.: Her :.
This little girl’s name is Christina. I took this picture right outside the school of worship we were helping this month in Myanmar. Check out my sweet friend Dyer’s Instagram to see what she had to say about Christina’s friend Esther here. From where I was standing, she appeared to be super busy. All I could see were her arms moving around, but I had no clue what she was doing, so I took a closer look. I walked towards her and I saw that she was thoroughly washing her little plastic bowls and cups (made of empty water bottles) with dirty water. I stood there and watched her for what seemed like hours. She never once looked up, extremely focused and determined to wash her dishes clean. She never even noticed I was there.
All of a sudden, it clicked! I am Christina!
.: Me :.
We came home after a long day of ministry and I started to feel extremely moody. I did a quick internal search, but could not pinpoint what was wrong. All I wanted to do was cuddle up in my bed and uncontrollably cry. Instead, I decided to go to sleep with the hope that I would feel better in the morning.
Wrong! I woke up feeling worse. I asked myself what was (were) the matter(s) and this time began writing them down. Let me tell you, the number of issues were unbelievable! The list just kept growing longer and longer. It felt like this:
I discovered that old issues I thought I had dealt with came back to haunt me. I thought I passed the test and learned the lesson. Why are they back? I also found out that I was feeling super insecure about creating videos showing my life on the Race. I was feeling guilty for saying I will work on them, yet I couldn’t work up the courage to even start. I was sick and tired of picturing this awesome woman of God, but in real life, not even close to being that woman and I don’t know how to get there. I do what I do not want; I can hear the apostle Paul shouting “Amen! Preach!” to this phrase! These things and more: I wrote them all down. And I must say it was perfect timing because our morning worship was starting and I was going to be able to take them all to God then.
As I am singing, I started picturing myself, stumbling my way to Papa’s throne while carrying this super heavy load of dirty laundry (aka, my problems). I get there, I sat in front of Him Indian style and carefully laid them down at His feet. I then proceeded to fold them neatly, repeatedly smoothing them out to make them look nice and clean before I handed them over to Him. Then God looked at me and said: “Hmm…Yeah… Are you worshiping me or your problems? I appreciate you bringing them to me. However, your eyes have been on them the entire time. Yes, you’re singing to me. However, you barely noticed that I am here because not once have you looked up and tried to acknowledge me. You’re so focused on removing the “non-existing creases” of these problems that you’re totally forgetting the main reason why you brought them here in the first place? How can I help you with these when I feel like your focus is more on them than me?”
“Hmm… Ouch!”
Yes, hearing that hurt. However, I realized He was right. I was worshiping my problems. I would go so far as to say I was worshiping and patting myself on the back for bringing those problems to Him and showing Him: “Hey! Look at me Papa! I am bringing all my problems to you! You should be so proud of me. Let me fix them and lay out them nicely in front of you to look at them.” That was His way of telling me that each time I don’t truly abandon my problems at His throne, I am choosing them all over again. I basically was that little girl so focused on cleaning her little dishes that I barely noticed God who was staring at me the entire time.
So today, I am asking you the same question God asked me: “Who are you worshiping? You or your problems?”
It’s either HIM or them. You Choose!
You’re awesome for reading! Thanxies so much!
One more thing:
- $4,309 is the amount of funds that I need in my account by April 30 in order for me to stay on the race. If the Lord has been prompting you to give but you have not done so yet, please know it is not too late. Hit the “Donate!” button in the top right corner of this blogsite. Any amount will and does count. Many many thanks in advance. I pray that God will give you back your generosity a thousand times fold.
