It hit me while I was eating my cool wrap and soup at Chick-Fil-A; a feeling of dissatisfaction. A most horrible dissatisfaction though. I quickly (and mentally) dug to the roots of that feeling, sitting at the corner table all alone. After a while all of my World Race memories came back to me; dodging the tuk-tuks on a busy street in Northeast India, visiting Ramon’s tienda in Ecuador, attending yet another “Spirit-led” church in Zambia, and so much more. I compared it to where I am now. I work twenty hours a week, I am enrolled at a community college full-time, and I am still figuring out what’s next in life. In moments like these I realize that while I was on the World Race I lived a dream. It was a dream I had, and I know that many others have; a dream of far off places, and adventure at every corner. I thanked God yet again that I had that incredible experience, but soon after returned to the dissatisfaction. I feared that I was now living the American dream, not my dream. The American dream is that of staying busy, of having a good job, of thinking about success and money, etc. I do not wish to live that dream.
I thought over these things a good bit, but was soon reminded that even though I am no longer living my dream, I have put myself in a place where I can now faithfully, and willingly follow God’s (also known as His plans). His dream (plans) is so much bigger and better than mine or the culture’s. It has a definite and concrete end goal too; eternity with Him. I also cannot complain because He has been at work in my life over the last eight months, and it is almost overwhelming when I really get to thinking about it. Here are just a few things among many: First, I have a great job at the previously mentioned Chick-Fil-A (hence me dining there). Second, my time at Tallahassee Community College has been worthwhile. I have met so many interesting folks, and have made so many friends that I cannot imagine my time in college spent any other way. Not to mention it has been rich in ministry opportunities. Third, I am back in the Anglican world again, just a little less incense this time. Last but not least, (for this list) I am surrounded by faithful people in work, family, and community life that continue to point me to God and His purposes in this life and this world. I am truly blessed to say the least.
When I was reminded of all of these things, I could no longer feel dissatisfied. Yes, I am no longer living Robbie’s dream; and I think it’s safe to say I’m not living the American dream either, but that is okay. I am not going to be living for myself or the culture any longer. I am now going to live the even bigger dream; one that has no bounds, and where every step is far better than the last.
“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life. Amen.” – St. Francis
