“What you’re doing is amazing.” “I could never do something like that.” “You are so brave.” “I don’t think I could handle being gone for so long.” “I’m so proud of you.” “You have a lot of faith to do what you’re doing.”
I hear these phrases fairly often. And every time I hear one I don’t know what to say back. Because I don’t feel brave. I don’t feel amazing. I don’t feel full of faith. I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything worth being proud of. I don’t feel like I am anything out of the ordinary.
–I realize that I could come across as sounding prideful or conceited here, or maybe like I have a false sense of humility about all of this. But, stick with me because that’s not my heart at all.–
I don’t feel like I am anything special. Growing up I would look at missionaries who would visit my church and I was always so amazed by them. To say I idolized them would be incorrect, but they were definitely spectacular people in my eyes. They came and went from far away lands, told stories of God’s miraculous powers, and demonstrated what it was like for God to move freely – in both the counties they ministered in and in my hometown. They were like spiritual rock stars in my eyes and each message they shared was the unfolding of a spectacular concert.
So, when I think of those people, I don’t feel like I am anything special. I have seen God do amazing things. But, I’m not like my spiritual rock stars.
BUT
Here’s the thing. You know what was at the center of those last few sentences…
Comparison.
There is a reason that comparison is the thief of joy. We do it all the time, consciously and subconsciously. It is incredibly easy to fall into and bow down in the midst of.
If I continue to look at my spiritual rock stars and base who I am and what I am doing off of them, I am never going to measure up. Never. But, if I look at who I am regardless of anyone else I see truth.
I am bold. I am courageous and full of faith. I am stepping into something amazing and life-changing. I am worthy of being proud of.
Saying those things doesn’t make me prideful. It makes me honest. It makes me empowered. It brings me joy. Comparison does just the opposite of all of those things.
I always felt like my spiritual rock stars had everything figured out. They knew exactly what they were doing all the time. But, I know that’s not true. They’re like me – listening for God’s voice and doing their best to follow it.
It comes down to this… I don’t have everything (or much of anything is how it usually feels) figured out. It’s one step of faith at a time. It’s one desperate prayer for provision and guidance at a time. It’s choosing joy instead of comparison.
It’s love.
His love fighting for me and through me. That’s what I’m going for here. It’s not my show. It’s His.
