Tomorrow morning I will leave Denver.
Indefinitely.
That makes me pretty sad. I’ve never been good at expressing sadness. Crying in front of people is something I rarely do. As I was contemplating this, I realized that it is at least partially because of how I desire to show people love. I want to better the lives of others. When I meet someone, I hope that my presence in their life will in some way help them to grow better than when I met them – emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever. Not because I am better in any way, but because I want to always see more potential in them than they see in themselves and serve as an encouragement and support to them in pushing past their own perceptions. Ergo, I think that by showing others my sadness I am only increasing sadness in their lives, which I don’t see as betterment. So, it’s hard for me to be sad in the midst of others. I hope that makes sense.
Anyways…
As I am coming to this point of departure I am deeply saddened. I am beyond grateful for the time I have gotten to spend here and the people who I have gotten to be in relationship with. It pains me to be separated from them. I am reminded of when Paul writes his letters to the churches and talks of how he longs to be with them and his deep love and affection for them. That is how I feel now. I long to be in the presence of my friends, and I have not even left the state yet. But, I will not say goodbye.
My favorite band in high school was Skillet. I saw them multiple times in concert and was ecstatic when a new cd came out. One of the songs on that cd is “Say Goodbye” and the lyrics go like this:
Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
You’ve got your life
I got mine
But you’re all I cared about
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I’m left here asking
Where has all the time gone now
I’m left alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don’t want to believe it’s over
Don’t say goodbye
Cause I don’t wanna hear those words tonight
Cause maybe it’s not the end for you and I
And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don’t say anything tonight
If you’re gonna say goodbye
Do you remember
In December
How we swore we’d never change
Even though you’re leaving
That our feelings
Would always stay the same
I wish we could be laughing
Instead I’m standing here asking
Do we have to end this now
Can we make it last somehow
We both know what we’ve gotta say, not today
Cause I don’t wanna leave this way
And if it’s over
It hurts but I’m giving you my word
I hope that you’re always
Happy like we were
Happy like we were
This song has become my anthem when I leave places – high school, college, and now Colorado. I’m not saying goodbye. Nowadays “goodbye” is so conclusive. It feels like an ending. But, what started in me here in Denver is only a continuation. A continuation of what took place before I arrived and that which will continue on when I leave. These people are going to stick with me. Forever. I’ll remember all of the inside jokes, the kind words, the genuine love, the laughter, the sarcasm, the advice and teaching, the good, the bad, the patience, the persistence, and so much more. I may forever long to be back here. And, who knows, someday I might be! But, until that day, I’m not saying goodbye. I am going to cherish the time I have been given and I am going to carry it all with me. I have been “forever changed” by being here. God walked me through so much and I am blessed that He loves me enough to put me in hard situations because growth occurs. I was given the unmerited favor of new, cherished friendships. Saying I am thankful does not even begin to cover it. So, as I am brimmed with sadness, I am overflowing with joy.
