This is a season of uncovering what has been going on in my soul the whole/entire World Race. I have realized that because I came into the Race believing my intention/aim should be to serve others with my whole heart, I have been holding onto this deep unrepented guilt because I have felt more changes happen in me versus the changes I have been able to provoke onto others.
I really did expect people to be falling before the throne of the Lord giving their entire life to Him, to see miracles left and right, to get to make a life’s worth of changes and see victories IN lives-especially women who are held captive in their own self worth. Turns out God had more in depth plans: Plans that would force me to walk out of my thoughts and assumptions that I was to play Savior in all these countries because I knew Jesus.
I walked out of the Savior complex mindset and it took me darn near six months. The Lord had to save ME from playing a selfish me and instead offer up the suggestion for me to correct my behaviors to look more like Him, ultimately then surrendering more of what I was- doing, saying, being, loving – for Him.
People will never come to know the Father because of whom I am but will if they come to see Christ in who He’s made me to be. I want to look like Him. I want to be compared to Him.
I am capable of nothing. He is maker of everything.
I am faulty in determining what time or experiences or even the World Race will look like-His ways surpass mine.
So I ask Jesus to example further what His life looked like to and for me. This ordinary man yet the Messiah who would DIE FOR US spent 30 years preparing only to do 3 years of “ministry.” Will I be satisfied if that is the example my life takes after? Will I be content in the unknowing as to whether passions will be fulfilled and exponentially enlarged in me on the Race?
This time is a divine gift: a little oasis from the broken world back home to grow and change and to come out sharpened and MORE powerful a tool than before.
I have had long crying conversations with the Lord for Him to let it be my goal to come out of the Race with better perspective and understanding as to how to flat out LOVE PEOPLE. To walk straight into their lives and sit down, insisting I be a part of it and promising to invest with fullness into them constantly. I want to be challenged by my Maker in order to challenge those whose lives I get to touch.
I want God to be nearer to me than the skin on my back and more evident than the breath coming out of my lips.
Ultimately, I want this period of being uncovered and exposed to never end.
