Well, Team Hesed I have to officially say goodbye. And as much as I thought I was ready for team changes, ready to seek out God in a new season, and ready for NEW, it’s hard. It’s hard to think that you’ll be replaced next to me in ministry, that I won’t get to wake up every morning to YOUR faces sleeping or reading your bibles, and I am going to miss the adventurous hearts that exist in each of you.
Kaiti, Alyssa, Malia, Courtney, and KiKi you five have some of the best hearts I have ever met. Not many of my friends that would ever be okay inviting a man with no arms and black teeth and scars all across his body to dinner with us. Most family back home won’t lend time, finances, food, or clothing without condition like you do. Other squadmates don’t shrug off complaints about being lost or exhausted or hungry like you do.
You ladies are rare I tell you, Rare. Very, very rare.
And you know what? It was not easy. It took a good four months just to show you who I actually am, let alone who YOU all are.
We have laughed together on tuk tuk rides, spider killings, living situations, expectations held, weird food ordered, and so many things we said.
The tears came too. We cried together over cultural inequalities, unfairness in purpose, tough conversation, and our life stories.
There’s so much I could say. So many wild times we shared. So many times you looked at me like I was the strangest thing on this planet. God KNEW we would need one another. He knew that we would pour into and give everything to one another because of who He is. The Lord was gracious in providing a safe space for each of us to struggle, to fail, to yearn for more, to say yes, and to come out of our shells.
And now we get to do it all over again with another time and that’s a good thing. It’ll teach us to take another stab at community but I want you ALL to know how much you mean to me. How every day spent with you girls was underappreciated at the moment it was happening and I have a heart full of pure gratitude because of who God has made you all to be.
Alyssa, thanks for being true to your heart. For choosing God before all else and for never being selfish with what He’s given you lesson-wise. Thank you for encouraging me to love hard, write more, and get to the root of my insecurities. You have taught me so much about what a friendship based on the Lord’s intentions looks like.
Kaiti, I never knew I would be blessed enough to meet a person like you. There is never a single sentence you say that you do not mean and I know God is not done with the depth of friendship we have reached. You have a smile that never hibernates, a laugh that pulls others closer, and a way of loving people that makes all the heads turn for that effect of Jesus. God made your words matter from the start and I am excited to see where our dreams match up in the future.
KiKi (Kierstin,) you were my rock on the team. A solid, firm foundation build on Christ, the Word of God, and your heart’s morale. You made me want to cut out the disastrous roots in my life when it came down to the woman you knew Jesus made you to be. Never was there a time you didn’t let me come to you in homesickness and you always understood what it was like to be missing out on all our siblings “stuff.” Thanks for the ways in which you loved me in letting me help you blog, watching countless videos of my little sisters, or just all the chats walking, gardening, and traveling. You are a special gal.
Malia, God told me you would be one of the most important and pivotal people I were to meet on my Race. You example grace, mercy, and forgiveness in a way I pray relentlessly to know one day. You are a woman of authority and the ways in which God speaks to you puts me to shame sometimes in my own disobedience. Thanks for leading. Thanks for leading well and thank you for all the wisdom you imparted my way. You took me under your wing when I sought shelter and you loved me through some of my deepest gunk. I will miss you deeply.
Courtney, you taught me that Jesus equals redemption always and He never will stop healing us. You were my other half in so many ways and I love the relationship we shared in goofiness, seriousness, and emotions. You taught me a lot about the vulnerability I thought I had and just letting the floodgates open with all the feels. God has humungous plans for you and He won’t stop there. I have loved watching you step into callings, dig deeper into who He is, and shape your character to look more like His. You have shed light in areas of my life I hoped to keep dark. You’re my girl, CoCo.
This first part of my journey has been wondrous and eye opening. I’ve felt like a kid in a candy shop with all the new there was to choose from BUT I am so happy that you ladies stood at my side when He taught these lessons to me:
India: God doesn’t need us to determine purpose for others
Nepal: Rest in the time He’s given and let your definition of “ministry” be broad.
Vietnam: Your time is never your own.
Cambodia: As humans we often victimize ourselves yet convince our fickle hearts that we are the victims.
Everything does NOT always happen for a reason— God hurts alongside us and feels the pain we experience from others acting out in their own free will.
The Awakening: Love God and do what you want. {Read it here if you haven’t.}
Let Him shape you in this next season and I’ll pray for a team reunion for the next team changes-He can SO do it. Stepping out and back into something much different and still sweet.
Here’s my new team.
{Sylvia, Janet, Hannah, ME, Becca, Jenna, and Allison}
