Today I learned the power of just stopping to BE PRESENT from a Vietnamese student who has trouble making friends, who just witnessed the death of his grandfather, who just wants to be the “cool kid” for once in his life, who is downright brilliant and the uttermost caring, who sets aside his daily pride and is a Christi*n amongst a country that worships happiness, money, and idols living a long life. He looked at Kaiti and I with eager eyes to learn and told us he appreciated all we had done for him, when merely all we had done was listen and have conversation with him.
He was hungry for a friend and I was too caught up in my own selfish ambitions to notice that. He was living out thankfulness, which is the true gøspel.
I would only half listen. I would sideways glance and try to find something “more interesting” to focus on. I would repeat back words to him that he never actually due to lack of attention. He was hungry for a friend and I was more rooted in being somewhere else, somewhere better than that current moment. But then I asked G0d if there was a moment BETTER for me to be in and you know what He said? He said “No.” He said where I was seated, in that coffee shop right outside the University at a table sipping an iced lemon green tea, which a bunch of dark haired passionate students was the exact place He had planned into my life for today and for that moment. Well, that puts things into a whole new perspective, now doesn’t it?
At the beginning of time the Creator of the universe sat down at His desk in the heavêns and with the blueprint of me decided that this day, that boy, those words, and my heart was worthy for the time at hand. Pencil in hand He wrote me into being, He gave me the color of my hair and eyes, the quirks that people seem to love about me, my sense of hospitality and my love for pickle juice, He laughed when He knew how crazy in love with life I would be or the times I’ll be running off my issues screaming music like no one can hear me or all the people that would come to shape my life. This time, this day, this task, this conversation is no different. I need to stop wishing there was always more because the reality is that I am not creatively lovingly those around me at their best to see the more He has for THEM not me. If He planned it, it has to be purposed, good, and adventure-stirring, right?
All too often we miss the whole mark. We want more extravagant. Nothing ever seems to be good enough for us because it doesn’t look like that social media picture perfectly edited or the ideal situation our expectations have allowed us to concoct. And then there are times we think that everything is about us, when it never was intended to be.
Finally I gave in, I said G0d you want me here so I will want to BE here. And He changed everything. I saw that 19-year-old boy before me as a similar character to my brother, Parker. I started to wonder how I would feel if he was at university abroad and someone only gave him half of their best self in teaching him another language because they were tired that day, or because they never really chose to do this, it just so happened that is what this month looked like. I think I would be angry. My brother deserves the best. He should be challenged, listened to, and loved for whom he is and where he is. Oh, perspective.
So, I lent more of my ear and listened to this boy’s hurts even though that is not what was in my job description for this month. When the conversation needed it and when I wanted to disregard something that the language barrier couldn’t conquer, I gave more patience. When the time was ticking slow and I began to grow weary and just wanted to snuggle down and crack open a good book on the beach, I gave myself and him grace. The L0rd showed me my flaws in those situations and boy, there were many.
You choose to wait for a “better moment” instead of adding more of who I am into the moment at hand, Paige.
Yes, G0d. You know what? I do choose to act in those ways constantly. My life is pretty spontaneous and phenomenal with the stories He writes, everyone, but I struggle to think that there’s always a better one being made that I’m missing out on.
That’s a big lie. Another lie I believe that needs to be rebuked. That I’m always better than the situation or moment I am in.
As that Vietnamese student and I walked to a coffee shoppe to get a hazelnut milk coffee, I was encouraged but moreso I had a fresh awakening. You never get to write a new story, but you are always in the middle of a story that you are always allowed to change.
You can choose to be the hero.
You can choose to be kinder.
You can choose to pick the more adventurous path.
You can choose G0d this time.
You can choose to stop believing the lies because they were never yours to believe.
Who made you the best storywriter anyways? That’s G0d’s job. He’s the author. We are not the puppets, we live avidly amongst the storyteller in the story. We get the daily choices but the BEST choices come when we just trust Him.
There’s power in stories. But there’s MORE power in playing just simply YOUR part in the one you’re in. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, it could be minimal. Maybe all you do in this story is to listen. Maybe you change the world. Maybe you never leave your hospital bed and pråy to bring about your purpose. Maybe the book you write stops a war or you have the cure for cancer resting on your shoulders. Or you say forget it to the schedule, like we did today and spend more time with a needy soul. Or you stop worrying about who is living a better story and start living your own.
The Race is just teaching me how simple it is to change someone’s life. TO witness to them in the most intentional of ways by just asking the L0rd what J3sus would do in that situation. It’s easy. It’s freeing. You walk away feeling more fulfilled and a bit closer to heaven by your obedience.
So all of you stuck at home wondering when your story is going to get better or your life get wilder or your love get stronger or your mind get smarter or your G0d to get more real. Start being present in your own story and it all changes.
You feel more and you learn more. You don’t need to pack a bag for a year like I did and leave your home with ambitions to meet and fix the nations.
I am a firm believer that the best of moments happen when no one is watching. That those photographs posted all over the internet that just make us jealous of one another are boring compared to those moments never caught on camera, the ones that only you and G0d witnessed together. And anyone who is only their best self when someone else is around, imagine what our own broken lives would look like if that is what G0d is like. What if J3sus only healed people when people were around to take a video so people would have faith He actually did that? What if J3sus only fed the orphans when He knew someone would tag Him in that photo on Facebook the next day? What if J3sus only read His bible because His phone was ready and able to post it on His Snapchat/Instagram story?
Again, puts a lot of things into perspective, eh?
Who are we REALLY living for? G0d, or man?
(PS. Cautious about words this month because of my country location, sorry for all the weird renditions of vocabulary revolving around my favorite person above)
