My life has been filled to the brim with the need for validation. Everything I do/have done has always been countered with a reward from someone with much more authority, someone with a higher title. It makes sense that right now in my life I am seeing that more now than ever when I am being asked to do things that will not reap rewards for maybe decades further ahead in my life. God doesn’t need me to tell Him that I am frustrated or don’t understand why certain questions aren’t answered for me because I am yelling at Him to give me that. He asked me to sit patiently and wait for the right time to come, a time when all the heavens will sit before that coliseum I know all too well, watching me from up above, cheering, and then God will say “now” and something in me will break. God will destroy my need for security, He will leave me stranded with my only reliance being Him. He will challenge me to trust more fully now than ever.
God made me the way I am and I must rest in the fact that, He made me with great purpose. A sense of dignity. A longing for that same validation. A respect for authority. A craving for adventure. A attitude of much positivity. A heart that breaks for everything. And now more than ever I realize that He has given me the power to change the atmospheres I walk into with much more than a smile. The devil shudders because I now know how I was made to act. I am a cut above the rest in God’s eyes (we all are.) God calls me out of the darkness to proclaim His name in the light so that those who hear me screaming of His goodness at the sounds of a whisper, so lost in that death/destruction that is the devil’s lies, can find that glimmer of hope and grab onto it-the lifeline they have been waiting for all their lives. Jesus is that lifeline. He stepped foot on this earth to proclaim with His whole heart that His father is who He says He is. He will not forsake us and seeks out our best intentions always.
Trusting looks differently for us all, but for me it must be a daily ritual of setting aside my own prideful ambitions and giving God the map/the day/the conversation/the opportunity/the relationship/the lies. Giving it all to Him takes ALL of the pressure off of me and really lets HIM be exalted. It’s not my life that is worth living, it is HIS life in ME that makes me something.
