I always want to remember this feeling-This feeling of intense exhaustion but complete and utter success. Completely, in awe of the Lord’s hand and how He has fashioned us for this work. My team finished a week of running structured classes, stations, and interactive movement and music classes at Gaiety* home, approximately two houses down from where we are staying. God, is more there than I am quite aware of.
Fall in love with this home as I have, a 3-story home with wild chaos, intense laughter, and pain that never ceases to exist.
You see these girls are between the ages of 12-26, seen as unworthy of the Indian education system and completely unaware that the conditions that they suffer from have stripped them of any opportunity at all. Some suffer from deformity. Some suffer from mental disabilities. Almost all suffer from some sort of physical disability. All have been left behind by parents that did never deserve of these gifts of children, God holding the Master Plan all along. To say that each one of these beautiful individuals is happy is an understatement. They have been rescued, found refuge, a new life, and a love that enables them to grow within an organization that God planned for me to volunteer with in my first month on the Race in India.
[To keep these precious girls safe and out of further harm, their names have been changed, the location of where I am at kept secret, and the organization never completely mentioned.]
This is a compilation of my thoughts, a mixture of their stories told, and what God has planned for them all amidst what in my mind seems to be unfair.
A deep struggle I have faced since coming here.
These girls are remarkable, I am half the believer, the daughter, the friend, the teacher that they are.
Gaiety girls smile and point up to the heavens exclaiming “Jesus.” While evangelizing to me saying, “Sister, do YOU love Jesus?” Boldly I told a 13 year-old Prishanti* that if I were to come back next year I wouldn’t find her in Gaiety because she will be adopted. Prishanti has an enlarged brain that causes her to look a bit scary at first, affecting her right eye to be squished into her skull and a bit blinded, and an imperfection that is hard to hide. She is the most cognitively aware girl in that home, brilliant enough to go to an international school in her area, a miracle in itself given to that girl by so many more factors than just the Indian government officials and their large “approved” stamps. Not even asking if that was exactly what she wanted, I just “knew” that is what the Father had for this witty gal with the bubbly personality. I knew she would be adopted if I had the audacity to believe that, so proud of myself for choosing to encourage her in that too. Boy was I wrong in my approach, I am no Savior. At all. With an extravagant faith and a heart that didn’t mean to hurt my own she looked at me and said “Sister Paige, whatever is in God’s will. You are not God, don’t take my story from Him.” Prishanti knows the call He has put on her life. Prishanti doesn’t dare to question her Maker. Stunned and awe-struck I was taught about the faith that I possessed and the inability I have to determine what another’s purpose is. Instead of me wishing her out of those poor circumstances that was merely only MY perception, she preferred to exist smack dab in the middle of His heart. They are far better believers than I am.
Gaiety girls introduce their ayyas to everyone they love. Ayyas, women who are filling the role of mothers in these abandoned girl’s lives, love these girls unconditionally but come and go. No one can fix these girls but the Lord, but for the time being these Indian women pour into the Gaiety girls with such strength, courage, and loving kindness that it’s hard for me to imagine where they would be if this organization didn’t exist. These bold women turn their heads to what Indian society says about working with children with disability and headstrong they change the circumstance for but one girl. They, both the girls in the care and the women doing the care, are far better daughters than I’ll ever be.
Gaiety girls see a need and meet it but it goes so much deeper than that, friends. Most of these girls cannot even communicate themselves but they are the first to reach out a hand to another struggling sister and help. Whereas I struggle with feeling inadequate to help with a disability, deformity, or mental illness, they show me time and time again that it doesn’t take a book, a degree, or intense training to love someone well, it’s a simple act done for them. The love that exudes in these friendships I have witness between the orphans in their care is something I’ll never be able to tell you the entirety of-there’s no lesser or greater individual living in that home. Each one of them has had everything stripped from them: a real family, parents, an actual home with a bed that they can call theirs night after night, new clothes bought just for them, undivided attention from people who want to see them succeed, a country rooting them on. None of that is a given to these girls, but instead they put aside what’s been taken from them and give almost everything to aid their friends. Imagine what this world would look like if we stopped taking pity in one another and started to see that we all have issues, but just because you have one doesn’t mean that someone else doesn’t deserve your help. Today I watched Advika* hold hands with Devansh* every step of every outdoor activity Alyssa and I took them through, Devansh patiently waiting for her sister to lend a hand when she could. Devansh unable to control her bodily functions, unable to walk without an intense limp that most times knocks her over, unable to be that active teen and freely run. It wasn’t until Alyssa merely stated “Now that’s what real friendship look like,” did it hit me that this is true friendship, the recreation of family because there’s no one else to turn to. These girls are far better friends than I was ever taught how to be by the world.
Gaiety girls lead by example and they take the time to seek out the extravagance in everything they do. They aren’t given much chance or opportunity to learn, grow, exceed their expectation, and/or be taught. So as we watched them for the past week they not only sat wide eyed and soaked up all of the information, but they almost instantaneously wanted their best friends, their sisters to know how to do that same thing too. Just as easily as they were taught they didn’t keep that information to themselves, they passed it on with audacity and flare. With smiles and claps and giddiness they knew others deserved to hear our words or see our actions too and they taught. Now again let me ask you what would this world look like if none of us held onto what we know and instead chose spread it around, we sprinkled bits of knowledge here, some creative ideas there, and we didn’t leave anyone out? Maybe then there would be change, maybe then passions would stir across the nations, maybe then people would stop being under looked and talked over. I may have been their teacher this week, but they will always be better teachers and stewards of knowledge than me.
My biggest moment of joy came with a girl called Madhup*. Let me tell you a few things about this bold little girl. First she has autism, a rare and extreme form of autism where she thinks her skin is trying to attach her so to “save herself” she fights back by picking her skin off places like her arms, forehead, and legs. She has wild and nasty scabs on her body for when she finds herself out of everyone’s sight and can terrorize that evil skin of hers. Her caretakers were standing off in the distance hoping that they wouldn’t have to control her screams or (in truth) deal with her for the next half an hour while she was with us. Alyssa and I were doing a variation of different mix-ups of games with buckets, colored spots, and small cat toys with bells inside them. Madhup would mosey here and there on the sidelines of our activities not knowing quite what to do, almost as if she didn’t have permission to do what the other girls were doing. Usually she is screaming, wandering, and has sad tears, a few times she pulled the bun on top of my head so hard and maliciously that I found those same painful tears in my eyes too. Her fellow housemates were struggling, but used to being pushed to the side she pushed herself away from the group this time. God has a way of highlighting people around me, and He did just that. God sees her wherever she wanders, so why couldn’t I? For almost 10 minutes we had not even tried to include her in our games and I was convicted. God really showed me His character, He is a God of including so therefore my identity lies in that too. So, I put a small ball in Madhup’s booby-trapped hands (cloth mittens with string tied around the wrists so she doesn’t mutilate her skin. I have seen her do it and it’s terrifying) and showed her what the other girls were doing, running from the start line to put the ball into the red bucket at the end of the path. She could do that! I think I have God to thank for this image being etched into my mind but without much hesitation she took it, ran her little heart out with the biggest smile on her face that I had EVER seen and plopped it right into the bucket. I swear time stopped and all the eyes were on her. She was radiating with joy and Madhup knew she could be a success after all, she was always worthy of being part of the group, just too used to being on the outside. All it took was an invitation. An invitation to be better and more than everyone thought she could be and you know what? She surpassed all of the expectations everyone in that courtyard had of her. The ayyas were laughing and clapping, Alyssa and I were speechless looking at one another and she was mesmerized by her own ability. Now THAT is a victory I forever and always want to be a part of in more lives than just Madhup’s. And now Madhup trusts me. When she manages to get her gloved hands free she comes to ME to put them back on because I am gentle and I will forgive her for trying to scrape at her own face and limbs. I didn’t say much when we stood as a team during snack time and she wandered over with the glove and string to be re-tied around her wrist, but I was on the verge of tears inside and leaping with JOY that this little girl, is more than anyone even imagines for her to be. She is worthy and loved and important amidst His plans and in my life.
Each an individual crafted by the Maker Himself, who has BIG things planned for their lives. While other Indians label them the cursed, the untouchables, the outcasts, the unredeemable, the Lord thinks otherwise. My mind cannot even comprehend how much pain they’ve been through and yet they smile with RIDICULOUS JOY regardless. They have taught me so much and it’ll be hell leaving them, what a first month this has been.
At the end of the day they are always deemed important, they have each other and we got to be a part of this kingdom victory.
But oh man God; I am wrecked thinking that these girls will live their entire life in that house without being adopted. They are brilliant beyond belief, merely wanting a bit of attention, some structure, actual love and kindness shown towards them, they want to be given a chance. That is what our team was doing; we believed the best in them. We challenged them knowing they could do it. Our patience levels were stretched in allowing them all the time they needed to do what takes us a few simple seconds to accomplish. We modified activities left and right, activities that any ordinary child can do but because these girls are just extraordinary. They do take a little “extra” but the willingness was there on both ends.
I’m sitting out on the ledge outside, smelling the burning of trash in India the breeze blowing across the dried tears on my face, just thinking about God’s plan for all of our lives. Never on earth will I know the reason why I was gifted so much when others aren’t but there’s this stirring in me that maybe I have it all wrong. It’s not that others were jipped by God and that I won the lottery. NO, that’s not the case at all. I was chosen for what’s ahead, I didn’t choose myself. God said, “Paige will be the one to do this,” whereas I merely say one word. Yes. Someone I love very much gave me words to start putting all of this hurt into perspective as I found myself breaking down time and time again after these classes. He told me “essentially this is JUST Earth and things don’t appear equal. But in heaven it’ll all make sense and be equal” and I found final rest in that.
God brought this book’s worth of a week to a close last night at a worship night we attended at a local [Americanized] Indian Christian church.
He gave me this picture of His heart in preparing to take away all of their suffering.
Up in heaven day after day the Lord is preparing for these orphans, He is ready for their arrival home and my goodness is He excited. Day after day he loves the child today as the child He knows He’s made them to be. They may not have their own bedrooms, a closet full of perfectly stain free clothes, adequate amounts of individual attention, lessons that stimulate their lagging brains, or normality here on earth. In heaven they do. Their purpose is so grand. The Lord is so merciful and in John 14:18 it says I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. He is coming back for them, just like I know it in my heart that He is coming back for me. He’ll meet them at heaven’s gates and the angels will become rowdy at the sight of these girls’ perfect selves and souls. God does His best to protect these girls from harm but essentially it is JUST Earth and questions go without answers. I could detail this picture more, but this is an image that is so near and dear to my heart. God doesn’t leave us as orphans, He rescues our call even if we cannot say words or speak language to call out to Him. Each one of those Gaiety girls will get to fully run into their Father’s arms for the FIRST TIME in heaven. They will get to scream out His Name loud and clear for the FIRST TIME in heaven.
And you know what, I cannot wait to talk to these girls in heaven for the first time too. Yes, they probably will tell me a BIG “thanks Sister” for carrying them when they couldn’t walk, allowing them to freely fail in front of me time and time again before a small victory was reached, slap me to get my attention because they don’t know how else to interact, or annoy me with the over-exaggerated nature of repeating things and calling my name. But I CANNOT WAIT to thank them-each one of them-for all the lessons this past week.
