I often picture myself being in the arms of God and dancing with Him… Is it me daydreaming or a vision inspired by the Holy Spirit? Maybe both, but it is for sure one of the sweetest ways I can possibly imagine being in the presence of the Lord.
Unfortunately, up until now it was nothing more than a vivid picture in my mind.
People think that I dance so beautifully and that it is easy for me. How funny, yet intriguing!
They don’t know that I actually am not very good at coordinating my moves, often get the rythm wrong, do not anticipate the music…
I took one year of hip hop dance, and I tell you, I was not good! It used to take me forever to remember a choreography, lot of practice to make a move look decent, a lot of rehearsing in my mind and counting to be able to do the choreagraphy without looking at my crew mates and trying hard to not dance out of my memory but just let it flow.
During performance show, I was the one that obviously missed a move and have the dying shame of having my crew share online the recorded video of our performance and for the world to see how I messed up.
My short experience of dancing is thus memorable, but not in the way that made me think that I am a good dancer. It was hard, lots of work, lots of sweat, lots of discipline to make me go attend my dance class, a lot of self-talk to not find some excuses to not go…
But then my funny God comes in the way and asked me the craziest thing…
” Dance for me and with me!”
Though I might sometimes doubt that I hear from the Lord, God proved me that more than my ability to hear His voice, He has the ability to make Himself be heard.
It was crystal clear…
Over the last 10 months, He sent my way repetitive words of knowledge, prophecies, visions, random comments and encouragement words from total strangers, people I just met or from my leadership team.
“Dance!
I am lacing dancing shoes on your feet. I have been preparing you for this dance with me.
Dance undignified for me, be a worshipper of freedom.
Dance in the fields.
Dance in your secret place.
Delight in me through dancing.
Dance with me, oh Dove of my soul to the song of all songs.
Dancing queen, be free in your worship”.
So I did. I danced here and there, in my personal worhip time to God, when there was no eyes to see me, whenever I wanted, wherever I wanted.
I thought it was good enough.
But deep down I knew that was not what He was asking from me.
He was asking for total surrender. A beautiful surrender through dancing.
Surrender my pride, my fear of men, my fear of looking stupid, my beliefs that I am not a good dancer.
Surrender my need to be in control, to always look composed and dignified…
He was asking me to let go, stop holding back and let the flow of the Holy Spirit moves freely from the inside out.
He was asking me to dance anywhere, anytime as an offering to Him, a sacrifice.
But I fought it. I could feel the tension and I was wrestling with it.
This wrestle became very tangible one night in April, in Cameron Highlands (Malaysia) when I was in a park worshipping with some squadmates. The Lord asked me to dance, right here, right now, in the presence of other people and in His creation.
But I resisted it. I fought it hard.
I finally gave up, burst into tears and did some awkward dance moves.
“I am so proud of you. This is a baby step but I am so proud of you” was God’s immediate response.
His response made me cry even more… How can He be so proud of me when I do not obey Him fully, when I resist Him, and let fear take over my love for Him ???
May and June have been quite a dry season in my walk with the Lord.
I would spend time with God and make it a priority, but nothing that I used to love doing with Him would bring me the delight and joy that it usually did. Everything was going great on the mission field, but joylessness, routine, feeling of numbness and spiritual lethargy seemed to be my lot.
“What is going on? Am I becoming lukewarm? How can I be in the presence of the Lord yet not enjoy and delight in it? I miss you God, I know you are right here by my side, but i feel you are not here. It seems I am just wandering without aim, it feels like I have lost my sense of purpose…”
Yet in the chaos of my thoughts, one thing was always enlightened to me: dance for God.
So I started doing it again, with more intention this time.
Because I had no idea what else I could do…
I danced in a courtyard of a school, I danced on a rooftop, I danced on a balcony, I danced in front of my whole squad, I danced under the rain, I danced in a puddle, I danced barefooted, I danced in the morning, I danced at night…
I spinned, I swirled, I lifted up my arms, I jumped…
And it felt soooo good.
It felt free.
It felt as if I was releasing everything that was bottled up inside of me all these months.
“Your obediance is what brings me true joy. When you follow my will, you are becoming more and more the person I created you to be”
It seemed that it is just a small nothing that the Lord asked from me, but it actually was such a breakthrough in my journey with the Lord.
Yes, I fought it and it took me months to reach that posture of total surrender, to dance for God without caring about the world.
Yes, I might stumble and resist again what the Lord is asking from me.
But, YAAAAAAAY, that freedom and joy you have when you finally surrender is AMAZING!!!
My prayer is that whatever the Lord is asking from you and I, our love for Him will overcome our fear of men, fear of looking foolish, fear of staining our reputation…
Because He knows what is best for us in His sovereignity.
Looooova yaaaa alllll !!!!
