“I am with you”… “You are fearfully and wonderfully made”…
These two promises have been the anchor to my soul this last month and a half.
Why?
Remember how a few blogs ago I was telling you that there would be some team changes at the end of month 4, in Malaysia ?
Well… SURPRISE SURPRISE!!!! 🙂
I am now one of the new squad leaders of this mission trip, yay !!! And I have the joy to be part of a two-member team (Team UNO), with my beautiful co-leader Kylee.
Our two alumni squad leaders (Steph and Jackie) are no longer with us on the field and before they left, they raised up Kylee and I and trained us.
What is a squad leader doing?
Kylee and I are mainly here to support and encourage the squad, the teams and more generally each individual, empower them, accompany them as they are moving from place to place, exhorting them to always turn their eyes upon Jesus. So we are now going from one team to another, depending on how the Holy spirit is guiding us, instead of being part of a set team.
We are participating in the organization and planning of debrief days and leadership development seminars as well. Every other month we have either a time of debrief or a leadership weekend to gather the whole squad together for refocus, rest and pour into them.
We are also the main point of communication between the squad and the office (in the USA) to let them know how things are going on the field, how people are doing individually and corporately, how they could cover us in prayers…
It is not always easy, but I am really enjoying being a squad leader and having the opportunity to grow through it. 🙂
But with that new role, also arose an internal tornado of questions, unwanted emotions and insecurities which needed to be tackled.
In this “psalm” that I wrote (below), I am sharing a glimpse of the emotional and spiritual journey I went through after starting being a squad leader.
They say I am a sweet and gentle spirit,
They say I am powerful and gifted,
They say I am wise and encouraging,
Then why do I sometimes feel like a counterfeit?
Why do I feel so exposed and vulnerable?
Something within me cries silently: “You don’t know me!”
“You don’t know the insecure and immature me!
You don’t know the impulsive and self-centered me!”
And I kept stumbling on a race to perfection…
I smile and laugh, but I just feel so inadequate,
I talk in front of people, but I am so scared to say the wrong things,
I share pieces of seemingly wise advice, but I am guilty of not even applying them in my life…
But there my God found me,
He found me on this exhausting slope to appear perfect,
He put me back on my feet, hugged me and whispered…
“I know you…
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb,
and you are fearfully and wonderfully made”
He crowned me with His grace,
Pulled me away from the security of my fortress,
Brought me in the frontline and asked me to shine bright.
“Child, let me be your partner, your strength, your guide,
Surrender everything to me,
All you have to do is rest in my peace and presence”
One minute in His courts,
And the chaos of uninvited emotions became a quiet deep peace,
Chasing away my insecurities and worries.
“Princess warrior, my yoke is easy and my burden is light,
You are equipped for what I call you to do,
And to all of your questions and worries, my reply is…”
“I AM WITH YOU”
Every day I am learning to make that choice to trust the promises of God…
He is with me, I am His masterpiece, I am anointed for what He calls me to do, His yoke is easy and I can learn from Him, He knows exactly who I am and what I need…
And I love to realize that all of His promises are true.
I would love for you to cover Kylee and I in prayers though, fors us to always remain humble, tuned to the voice of God, having the words to encourage and empower individuals, make Godly decisions and always seek His will first…
Loooove
