As many of y’all know; I have been in the middle of a storm since Albania (so it’s been just over 2 months).
One thing I have been learning to walk through is minimizing my problem with people-pleasing. I think I have made small steps, but every day there is a little bit of a struggle with it.
I’ve always been a people pleaser, ever since I could remember so I’m trying to undo 25 years of people – pleasing in a matter of 2 months. I don’t believe I will ever completely get over it, but I am taking small steps to try to improve it each day!
Over the last month I have been feeling more and more like an introvert. Those who know me, know this is very out of character for me. I’m finding myself preferring to be alone or spending time with God, away from people.
I was even choosing to be by myself instead of being with my team, choosing/fighting for my team.
That is one of the hardest things I’ve learned on the Race; you need to FIGHT for your team and decide to CHOOSE them EVERY SINGLE DAY! It is not easy, but you will bear much fruit if you are intentional and try to every day!
I was feeling alone and a bit of rejection/jealousy over some of the bonds that my team had made. Instead of voicing my feelings every time they came up; I retreated further and further away from them.
I put up walls.
I stopped being vulnerable.
I wanted nothing to do with the team.
It was not a good feeling; however, I felt like I was “winning,” by avoiding them because I was upset with them. I didn’t tell them what was bothering me because I never took time to analyze my feelings/problems. I soon learned that I was once again placing expectations on them that they didn’t know; hence, I was the one who became upset, hurt, rejected and I let jealous/a bitterness creep in.
No one wins when you pull away from community. This has been a lesson I have been wrestling with for almost 2 weeks. I have had some really good conversations with each of my teammates since these feelings came to the surface and have gotten some great advice/insight from some of my leadership team (shoutout to Beka and Amanda, y’all are the best!) One of my teammates, after I showed her the title was like, “are you sure you want to write that blog?”
My answer was, “yes, because it is one of the realities not just for the Race, but for life.”
When we feel hurt, we normally avoid conflict, we avoid our true feelings, we shy away and shrug off how we really feel. We are constantly worried if we are a burden to others or being annoying with our problems/struggles. We’re uncomfortable with being vulnerable completely because of the reactions we may or may not receive. We perceive things that haven’t even happened yet; therefore, creating more drama, enhancing the problem instead of trying to fix it.
NO ONE IS A BURDEN!
When you feel like you need to talk to someone, or are feeling rejected/not choosen, KNOW THAT GOD HAS ALREADY CHOSEN YOU AND HE CALLS YOU, “MINE.”
God created us to live in community, so when you find that community; HOLD TIGHT to it and FIGHT for it, CHOOSE IN WHEN IT GETS HARD! It is TOTALLY WORTH IT!
