When I was a little girl, I was absolutely petrified of the dark. Maybe due to watching scary movies at a young age, or an overactive imagination, the dark was a representation of all things terrifying. Walking into a room with the lights off, or through the garage to retrieve something or even a hallway, dimly lit by the illumination of the moon, was a source of pure terror for me. Fueled by Hollywood’s perspective on what goes bump in the night, I slept with my lights on for years. I can recall my mother, who by this time was over my fear of the dark, telling me, “When I was a little girl, I would sit in my room and tell all the monsters to come get me right now, if they were in the room and guess what.. nothing ever happened.” While the story helped, there was no way I was about to TELL the monsters to come get me… was she crazy?!
Surely, I refused to inhabit a dark space until my mother or father took my hand, and walked with me. Something about your parents presence makes you feel invincible. As a young girl, it was the monsters in the bedroom. In adolescence, it was seeing them in a crowd at a sports game or during a speech or play. As an adult (I guess that’s what I am now?) it’s the encouraging hugs, or the way they support your decision to fly across the world for 9 months of your life. Truly, a parent’s love is nothing you can compare. It’s the gasoline to your fire; the purpose and the source of your big dreams. However, eventually, you’ll find yourself in a foreign country, halfway across the world, without your parents immediate presence. One day you’ll find yourself stepping out of the childhood home that you grew up in, and all your parents can do is trust that they taught you the right skills and pushed you in the right direction. I believe our heavenly father works in a similar way.
When our faith is new, the transforming of our minds feels heavy. Every step feels like a ginormous leap. There’s things we need to learn, scripture to walk through, pain to work through and revelations to be revealed. We dive into scripture, and try to walk this straight path. Learning to walk with the father is a child-like process; we take a step forward, fall, get picked back up and attempt it again. Failing is a given, and the journey is fuzzy. However, our Father is good and He loves us, so we keep pushing. Inevitably, our legs don’t fail as much. We walk in a straighter path. His voice is louder, clearer and less fuzzy with every milestone. While there are always setbacks, we get back up faster with new knowledge for the future. The road gets smoother – not because life gets easier but because God’s peace and joy makes the difficulties easier. We are like little children, learning to speak for the first time. When I first said “mom”, my parents threw a party. Now, at 19 years old, it’s not as impressive anymore. Living in the spirit becomes our constant state and we mature in our faith, learning things that we never could have imagined in those beginning stages.
Inevitably, however, our parents stop holding our hands through the dark. They trusted I could do it alone, just as they trusted I could go on the race. They knew they taught me well, and that there was a good head on my shoulders. A head they formed, and encouraged with their wisdom. This is how our faith works with our Father. We reach a point where He says, “Your skills are from me and of me, I trust your decisions.” We were given freewill so that we could love our heavenly Father so radically, that we can change a fallen and broken world. That freewill is entrusted to us. Once we are so grounded in our father and his spirit, there is a bond of mutual trust. We say, “I trust you will always guide me, and speak to me and never forsake me”, while He says, “I trust you will always turn your face back to me, regardless of failures or downfalls.”
Looking back, I never thought I would have grown past those beginning stages. I thought walking with Jesus was always going to be like a roller coaster; the highest highs followed by the lowest lows. However, when we live in the Father, it’s impossible to be stagnant. Growing is not an option; it’s a given when we seek Him with all our hearts. I’m humbled by the knowledge that we will never reach the “end” of this spiritual journey. There is always new ways that the Lord wants to expand your mind. So don’t lose heart! Let your father hold your hand through the dark, and celebrate in His love and trust. Soon, it will be your natural state of mind.
