When I decided to go on the World Race, I was under the impression that I was pausing my life for a year; taking time off and seeing the world before university. I thought to myself, “it’s only 9 months. I’ll be back, then my life can start again”. Three months ago, I headed off with my 70 liter backpack, and a countdown app on my phone. It would all be okay. I will be home soon enough. I can give Jesus a year of my life – easy!
Now, I think back to my regular routine in Tigard; wake up late, hit up the gym, spend time with friends. I fantasize about what I would be doing this time of year. I would probably be enrolled at University of Oregon, living in Eugene, working on my degree. Coming home for the weekend every now and then. Maybe I would have a job, or maybe I’d be playing rugby with a college team. I’d get to watch my brother kill it during his senior year of college basketball. I’d have an endless supply of leggings, sweaters and boots for the winter. I’d be spending my holidays surrounded by my family and friends and my lovely pup. I wouldn’t need the Skype app on my phone, and I would probably check my email every other week. All those earthly comforts, at my fingertips. Everything I have ever known and ever loved, right in front of me. This sounds like such a sweet, sweet life to me.
It’s funny how Jesus transforms those desires. Of course I desire being with my family, being at home and seeing my friends. I miss them so bad that it hurts. Although, sometimes when I fantasize about home, it makes me sick to my stomach. I imagine myself sitting in my room on a saturday morning thinking “okay.. Whats next? Where’s my next stop? Where am I going from here?”
I used to spend my days at home, thinking about traveling the world. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but for some reason I always stuck it inside this little box. I would say “okay, yes I will travel the world, but only for the small amount of time.. Maybe after college… Maybe after I get married… etc etc etc”. I was under this impression that mission life would only take up so much space in my life. That it was just this crazy, cool year that I experienced before I headed off to college and got my shiny degree, and started my career.
Three months in, I see now that God doesn’t really care about your plans. You can pretend all day that you have control, but it’s simply not the truth. I used to think that I needed to prepare for what was next. I always needed to be filling something out, saving up money, gearing up for the next thing that I wanted to do because there was so much!! God simply doesn’t care about that stuff. His plan will prevail, and all I was doing was postponing the inevitable. I kept saving up, waiting for what was to come, letting days slide pass without taking the time to enjoy the moment.
Currently we are finishing up our last couple days in SE Asia. On January 2nd, we move on to Malawi for three months. At only three months, the Lord has presented so many opportunities, domestically and internationally, that I could potentially pursue. God keeps saying “hey, look at this cool thing, you could do this!”. However, for the first time in my life, I have told Him daily that I won’t go anywhere He doesn’t point me to. I won’t try to take the reigns on this one; that He will show me what path He wants me to go down in due time. I used to stress all the time about the future; what the plan was for my life and if people would think I am a failure.
I feel so at peace with what He has in store for me. I am beyond excited to see how my life turns out, but for now, I’m just going to enjoy the ride and all its views. All I ask for is a bed to sleep in, food, water, and a little adventure 🙂
