Before we started our month in Guatemala one of our squad leaders, Hunter gave one word to each of us from the Lord. Literally just one word. We listened intently as he called out different words and names.
Heart.
Laughter.
Joy.
Cherish.
These were the types of words that were being given to each person. Then he got to me.
“Vase.”
Vase? What is that even supposed to mean? It was kind of an intriguing and cool word to receive, but it didn’t make much sense. At first, I really liked the word I got.
Then, I started to dislike it. The word vase just made me feel as though it were painting a picture of me as being a funky center piece–but rather unimportant. All I could think was, “Why can’t I be a fork or a plate at a dinner table? I just want to be useful.” In general, most of my talents are rather artistically centered. Even though I love it so much, I struggle with feeling as though I have much to bring to the table in a practical sense.
I don’t know if it was a God-lead thing or what, but for some reason I decided to type the word “vase” into the World Race blog search. Only one result popped up. It was this article: On Pendulums and Broken Vases
A few funny coincidences: both of our names are Laura, both of us were about to begin ministry in Guatemala, and both of us had the word or image of a vase given to us by God. She also was in a very similar place emotionally when she wrote that blog.
Okay God, I thought. You got my attention.
Anyway, I was praying about the word that God had given me. I felt as though God were telling me I needed to look up more information about the word “vase.” What I found out was that vases were not originally created to be pretty center pieces with flowers. They were simply more elegant vessels. They were meant to pour out water.
In the same way, I am not meant to sit at the table during life just to fill myself up with stuff. This life is not meant for my own self-glory or so that others look at me and admire my success or appearance, or judge my value. I was created to be a vessel. To pour out His living water and the love of Jesus into those around me.
I would say 2016 and 2017 would be the years of self-love for our generation.
“It is important to love yourself.”
“Be sure to have some more you-time.”
“You need to love yourself more.”
All these messages have been booming across the nation like never before. It was a common message before, but now I can’t get away from it.
Lots of terms I barely ever heard are showing up all over the place such as
self-care
self-love
and being mindful of yourself.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to love yourself and to take care of yourself. I’ve had times when I took care of myself too little. I would even miss meals or get very little sleep because I would stay out or up late talking to friends and trying to help them get through life’s problems. I would do any favor when asked. Even if it was completely unreasonable in my schedule. Even if it was for people that weren’t close friends.
Then one day I stopped altogether. I was over people taking advantage of my time and being emotionally strung out all the time. (For the record, they probably weren’t trying to take advantage of my time at least 98% of the time.) I started saying no unless I actually wanted to say yes. I started being more selfish with my time. I kept many treasures Jesus taught me to myself, material things He blessed me with to myself, and I kept most of my emotions to myself.
There needs to be a healthy balance or giving and receiving in order to love yourself in a healthy manner. For one thing, while your own well-being is important, it will come more naturally if you focus most on loving God, and loving others (the two most important commandments.) When it comes to loving God, spending time with Him, and obeying Him, know that He’s not going to neglect your needs too. He created you, died for you, and definitely cares a lot more for you than you do!
About a year ago, I was going through a tough time. You know, I was being ridiculous and wallowing in my own self pity for about a week. So I’m praying to God and He’s pouring into me, but I’m still wallowing and begging God to tell me what to do. That’s when I felt God was saying, “I think you need to go serve others for a day.”
What?
I’m certainly not against serving others.
But I didn’t actually see how it would help the situation.
I also, quite frankly, was not in the mood.
“You need to start saying ‘no’ to this spirit of hopelessness. You are choosing to fight the wrong battle right now. Look at yourself and realize that there are bigger problems than what you are going through. By serving for a day you are choosing to use what you have to love others, and by doing this for the least of these you are serving and loving me.”
So I did.
And God was right.
Not only did I have a great time serving and volunteering.
I felt better.
I was listening to a sermon by Francis Chan (called “Living Unpredictably” if you want to look it up.) And in it he talks about this day that he goes to Starbucks and picks up a coffee and a muffin and then goes to sit on the beach and is looking to the sky and saying, “God, who am I? What is the purpose of my life?”
And then he felt that God was saying, “That’s really cute Francis. Look at you with your little blankie, coffee, and muffin asking ‘Gee, what is the purpose of my life?’ That’s really cute. Meanwhile there are millions of people out who are suffering right now wondering if they are even going to live through the day…what do you think my will is for your life?”
He then goes on to talk about how the strongest language was reserved for those who were complacent for those who were suffering. Some might say “No that’s for sins like homosexuality.” But let’s take a look at what God says about Sodom.
“Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but they did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty and did an abomination before me.” Ezekiel 16:49-50 ESV
That’s the kind of passage that really gets me.
We’re talking about this sin city that is still known for its sexual sins today.
But the guilt of Sodom was pride, excess of food, prosperous ease, and would not help the poor and needy. That sounded a lot like me.
Listening to this makes me realize that I don’t just have something to give emotionally and spiritually, but I have been blessed beyond comprehension just because of where I was born. That’s not fair. Of course it isn’t fair. But maybe God can use everything I have to offer for something much bigger than myself. I have so much to pour out.
I am a vase.
This image of a vessel is something that was given to me to remind me of my purpose.
I am not meant to store my water, my flowers, my treasures and stay on display.
I am meant to pour out just as much as I am to be poured into.
It’s what I was created for.
It’s what we all were created for.
Summary of Antigua, Guatemala:
Although it might not sound like it, Guatemala was a very restful month. We spent our time translating a book and documents for bilingual schools, teaching English, and helping out at a house construction site. Getting free English lessons in any area (especially touristy areas) will provide students with more job opportunities in the future and may transform their lives in years to come. We were packed up like sausages into chicken buses just to get into town. We got to drink some of the best coffee I’ve ever had (I recommend Refuge Coffee, Guadajava, and Cafe Boheme. You need to go to Antigua…I’m serious.) The room we were staying in was crushed by a tree when we temporarily moved out for a few days to make room for a short term mission group. No one was injured. Being able to see the Lord’s protection and provision in that time was amazing. We got to watch a volcano erupt and a very regular basis…it was awesome. We would run around freaking out when the world’s largest rats decided to have a pow wow in our ceiling. At two in the morning. We would get up at 4 am to catch a two hour bus ride to go teach English in the morning. We would sing the banana song (dance moves and all) with a bunch of high schoolers. They loved it. We would spend nearly every morning getting into the word as a group. It’s been so so good.
