With only one week before launch, I find myself desperately clinging to my comfort zones, purposefully filling my days with plans: people to see and places to go, in order to keep my mind off of leaving everything and everyone in order to travel the world for 11 months.
When talking with others, I use justifying phrases like: “I am just trying to live in the present,” and “I still have x-number of days left, I don’t want to waste them.” However, the truth is, I am terrified of leaving.
I applied for the World Race in January of 2016 full of enthusiasm, passion, resilience, and a deep desire to know and pursue my Jesus fervently. I had been dreaming of launch week since I first heard about the World Race at 17 years old. Now at age 24, I can confidently say none of those feelings or desires have changed. However, I can say that I have added a few other emotions to that list that I did not plan for.
Feelings I never thought I would have leading up to launch have become things I wrestle with every night before I close my eyes.
These feelings and thoughts sound like:
– What am I doing and why did I think this was a good idea?
– Will I even be able to make it all 11 months?
– Am I even good enough (at sharing the gospel, interpreting truth, serving, speaking to others, etc.) to even be able to do this?
– Does being scared to leave mean I’m weak, or that I shouldn’t go?
However, my peace of mind comes from my J:
No matter what angle the enemy tries to come at me, I stand firmly on the cornerstone of being a chosen, child of God [1 Peter 2:9], of being called to GO to all the nations [Mark 16:15], and finding peace that God has plans for me that I cannot mess up, no matter what [Jeremiah 29:11].
Easier said than done, but nonetheless, they are pieces of truth I can find rest in.
As I sit here at Jo’s on South Congress in Austin, Texas in 100 degree heat drinking a large, iced turbo – I am completely in my comfort zone. I am sweating in the shade, I am listening to one of my favorite playlists created by members of Jo’s staff (including, but not limited to: Stevie Ray Von, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Johnny Cash), and watching people from all different walks of life explore my favorite city.
Even though I am not 100% sure I am ready to leave next week – I am sure about a few things:
- My J loves me and has chosen me.
- I count myself lucky to have incredible family and friends I will miss greatly while I am gone.
- These next 11 months are going to be the best 11 months of my whole life.
and last, but certainly not least:
- Austin, Texas, and all it’s wonder, will still be here when I get back.
For those who are contemplating applying for the race, or maybe have been accepted for the race and now aren’t sure whether it’s really for you:
You might be scared, nervous, excited, and/or confident –
My advice: process all of those feelings and channel them, use them. It’s normal to feel all of those things, and sometimes feel them at the same time. No matter how you feel, the most important thing to remember is that there is a larger, more solid truth lying beneath – J loves to surprise us, He loves to answer our prayers beyond our wildest dreams and expectations, and our God loves us more than we will ever know.
Regardless of how you arrived at my blog, I challenge you to jump on in and trust what J has planned for you – the water feels fine! (Like, Barton Springs 70 degrees, fine!)
Blessings –
