In preparation for the race the biggest challenge I seem to be facing is doubt in myself and doubt in what God is doing.It seems like things in my life just are not falling into place the way I had hoped they would by this point.
Fundraising is slow, I have little motivation, I’m afraid that I won’t be ready for the race or that I won’t be good enough at what we are supposed to be doing from place to place and day to day. I feel I’m not “Christian” enough, I don’t always use the cute, girly, godly wording that makes me seem like I love Jesus.
I feel like people will doubt me and doubt that this desire of mine is genuine. My blog posts have been few and far between, not as good as some of my fellow racers and quite honestly, I’m not the best at writing. I’m not in good physical shape for the race just yet(but I’m pretty sure most of my teammates are feeling this too. I mean, who’s in shape for day long hikes through the mountains with a huge backpack on their back at any given moment? Not everyone.)
My mind has been flooded with these doubts and insecurities lately, I feel discouraged when a whole day goes by and I put no effort into fundraising or writing thank you letters. I’m just not qualified for this.
But I don’t need to be “qualified.”
I don’t need to be super fast with my fundraising, I’m never going to be “good enough”, I don’t have to use the right Christian lingo that makes me sound “holy”…
I just have to be willing to go. That’s what He wants from me, the rest will fall into place in time, it might not be in the next few weeks or even months. But eventually it all will.
Some of you may have heard this before but one day in the car with my dad on the way to church about 7 or 8 years ago I heard someone on the radio say “God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called.” And I’ve never forgotten that statement.
God didn’t call me because I’m perfect or because I know everything I need to know. He called me because this is what he wants me to do, and through this process I will learn what I need to know and he will work on me and shape me to be the person He wants me to be.
“You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and
Make me, this is what I pray.”
