Let me start off by saying I had quite the week! A week full of testing and school and quite frankly, school has made me think twice about being that one girl that made it all the way through her program with a month left and decided to drop out. Haha. I wouldn’t do that. But I promise you I have thought about it a lot!
A girl that is on my route that I have been getting to know and who has been an awesome prayer warrior for me, had shown me a podcast that absolutely rocked my world, and was exactly what I needed. So I wanted to write a blog that kind of resembled it because I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
This podcast begins talking about how afraid we can be. My fears include things like: “I’m afraid of not graduating school”, “I’m afraid of not passing my boards”, I’m afraid I’m going to fail”. But the speaker reminded me: “When we fear the unknown, we are robbing God of the greatest dreams of our lives.”
I’ve been realizing that I say all the time, “I believe that God has a plan for my life, and He’s going to get me through everything.” And I can say that the majority of the time I do believe that. But I do have to admit that I’m human. I doubt that God’s plans are going to work out for me all the time. Sometimes I don’t really believe that He’s going to get me through everything. I think sometimes I say I believe that God has a plan for me because I’m trying to convince myself that I believe it. And I don’t think I really actually realized this until I listened to this podcast. I am afraid sometimes. I am afraid that God isn’t going to help me through times when I feel helpless. And I just think that’s absolutely ridiculous. We forget about all of the times God has been there in the clutch and how He has saved our butts from really crappy situations. If you know me well, you certainly know a couple instances where I made some very stupid choices and God was right there pulling me out of the holes that I dug myself. How often do we forget what God has done in the past?
The podcast brought me to a story in the bible in Mark 9:17-29 when Jesus heals a demon-possessed boy. The father of the boy is talking to Jesus and he says “It has often thrown him into the fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” And the response Jesus has is something I just cant shake. Because I can feel his heart break as He looks at this man and says, “If you can?” I can’t explain how many times I have doubted whether or not God can. Jesus continues by saying “Everything is possible for him who believes”. I can relate to the man speaking to Jesus. I am this man. I know God is good, and I know He loves me. I know that He is the creator of the universe and that He can do all things. But sometimes I’m just not sure. The man replies, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” At this point in the podcast I’m sobbing because how could I possibly doubt my Father and the One who truly holds my heart. How can I doubt the One that has never let me down, yet I can trust other people? “Help me overcome my unbelief.”
“If you can?” How many times has God repeatedly helped me through things I didn’t think I was ever going to get through? And after He does I thank Him and go on to my next problem, forgetting what He just did for me. It seems crazy to me. But I do it all the time. I know I’m not perfect. And as humans we’re not. We sin daily, and we conform to the ways of this world because it’s easy. But what if we decided to stop allowing satan to rule our thoughts and bring out fear in us? What if we said enough is enough, and kick that crazy thing out of the picture and allowed ourselves to fully trust God with our lives?
God is so good. Like unimaginably good. And every day we forget how good He is because of our world, and the selfishness that it inhibits. But God still loves us immensely. It’s overwhelming.
I’ve been praying about unbelief a lot. And I know that the devil is working really hard at making things difficult for me now more than ever. I am noticing that this doubt that I’ve been having has been happening more recently than it has in the past. And I know that the devil is really concerned about hundreds of racers going into the nations speaking the Word of God. He is trying everything he can to break us down so that he can get in our heads and make it so that we are not able to do the Lord’s work.
Will you be praying for me and my fellow World Racers? Will you be praying that the Lord strengthens our hearts, and only makes us stronger believers? That God will help us overcome our unbelief. And also that the devil stays far away from us. That he’s not able to get in, or get to us.
I love you guys. Thank you so much for your support and prayers. You’re all rockstars.
I encourage you if this blog spoke to you at all, to look back in your life and remember the times that God has come to bat for you. Times when you were at your lowest, and He raised you up again. God is so good. I’m overwhelmed.
Bondye Bon.<3
