Today marks 1 year since I asked my team to jump into the crazy waves of the ocean in Vietnam with me as a representation of my decision to fully trust God. I explain all the reasoning behind it in my previous blog “Life on the Water” if you have no idea what I am talking about you might want to go and read it so the rest of this blog makes sense.
I have known Jesus as long as I can remember, so this moment of faith is the closest thing I have to a spiritual birthday. But honestly that’s exactly what it is… it is the day I decided to live life in a completely different way. One year ago today I decided that I wanted to follow Jesus with everything that I have! I decided that I wanted to follow Him wherever He calls me, even if it seems crazy (just like Jesus calling Peter out of the boat)! I decided that my measure of a “successful life” was going to be by the standards He has laid out in His word, not by what society tells me. And let me tell you… deciding to live my life like this has made this past year absolutely crazy!
Many of you might be thinking, “of course it was crazy Katelyn, you lived in 9 different countries during this time”. And you would be right… that for sure added to the craziness, but I can tell you it’s so much more than that. The craziness is at a much deeper level. The things that I want in life are totally different, the things that matter the most to me are different, the way I view life and people are completely different. I went from a Christian who just wanted to be perfect to bring a Christian who could care less about the actions and just wants Jesus. I have changed from viewing my self and others through the ugly failures and sin in our lives to being able to see the beauty in it. I am no longer satisfied with a good steady life… I want a life where every single day I am having to completely rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me.
Yeah these things might sound really nice saying, but the reality is that they make me feel like a crazy person! Let me give you an example of a perfect day for me the other day. I got to sleep past noon because I got home from bartending at 4am. I woke up, loved on my nephew for a little while, got ready to go to a church someone recommended because it didn’t start until 5pm (which is nice with my new sleep schedule). Now this church was on a very rich, white side of San Antonio, where everyone felt like they were in name brand clothes. It was a church that is very spirit lead, so within the first 5 minutes of the teaching they had a word of knowledge from the Lord (which was incredibly on point btw) given to me by the preacher (who had also traveled a lot with YWAM). While she was preaching I felt not only like she knew everything that I have been going through, but also like she was me (because her life stories and the way she talked is incredibly similar to me). I felt so comfortable and despite feeling different on a physical level, I completely felt like that was where I was suppose to be. Then once the service was over we drove across town to a Narcotic’s Anonymous Meeting to meet up with someone (because they are going through a 90 day program there). So now I am in a room full of saggy pants, shirts 3 sizes too big, recovering addicts and still absolutely in love. They were sharing their stories about how the hardest part of this program is having to look at who they are in the mirror and not liking what they see (a problem that I constantly struggle with). I heard them tell stories at their loneliness pushing them to drugs or how they tried so hard to be perfect but couldn’t, so they said screw it and gave up. What I heard in that room was the same struggles I have, the same struggles we were just talking about in church. Again, I didn’t really look the part to fit in here either, but I felt so comfortable like I was suppose to be there.
Now you try to explain to me how I can feel the exact same way in two places that are just as opposite as you can get? Explain to me why at the end of this day I was like, “Wow God, that was incredible and exactly what I needed!” Reality check… I am officially crazy… but that’s okay.
A woman helped me understand it really well the other day. She explained to me that I am like a little kid who looks at the weeds and says “wow those are beautiful”. While most of the world says, “no those are weeds; they are ugly and don’t belong there.” I know this may be a little far fetched for some of you, but stay with me and it will all make sense. Image all the “problems” or “sin” of this world as weeds. God created this beautiful earth as a perfect garden, and we have filled this garden with weeds (our sin) instead of being the beautiful flowers God has created us to be. So often as Christians we want to come running in and point out all the weeds that exist and rip them all out, calling them ugly and telling them how they don’t belong in the garden. And there is truth to that… they don’t belong in the garden… but that’s not how Jesus took care of the weeds (or the sin in peoples lives). Look at John 8, when Jesus deals with the woman who was caught in adultery.
3-6 The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, “Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?” They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him.
6-8 Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.
9-10 Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”
11 “No one, Master.”
“Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.”
Jesus didn’t allow the weeds (the sin) to keep going, but He didn’t just rip out the weed and destroy it. If Jesus destroyed all the weeds in this garden He calls Earth, we would all be dead. Jesus even says in Matthew 19:25-26 when He is talking about entering the Kingdom of Heaven.
25 The disciples were staggered. “Then who has any chance at all?”
26 Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.”
This last year hasn’t been a year of just being a child, naive to the realities of this world. Actually this year I have been exposed to more hurt, pain, suffering, and injustice than I ever have in my entire life combined. But walking through that with Jesus I have also seen His incredible grace, healing, restoration, and love through it all. I can honestly say that I look at the weeds and see that they are weeds but can still call the people beautiful! God is working ALL THINGS for good, or in the Katelyn interpretation towards beautiful.
So being home, I can tell you it’s hard to keep seeing the weeds as beautiful! It’s hard when it feels like everyone around me is telling me how ugly the weeds are or what should be there instead. After a while you start to feel insane for looking at the same things everyone else sees, but seeing something totally different. But I have decided that I don’t want to see life any other way! I like seeing the beauty in the weeds… some people even call them wild flowers.
So even though it’s hard, I am going to choose to keep going! I’m not going to pretend like the struggle doesn’t exist. I’m not going to pretend that sometimes the weeds are so thick that it’s hard to see the beauty. But ALL CREATION cries of the glory of God, and every human was created in the image of God… so there is beauty everywhere. The question is are you willing to see life from a different reality? Take heart, don’t quit; don’t listen to all the other voices! I am going to keep choosing beauty and I hope that you will join me.
P.s. I would love to hear what beauty God shows you in your life today too! I love hearing people’s stories. They encourage my heart and others as well! Love y’all
