Over my 11 months of traveling I have learned so many new things. On the surface level I have learned things like different types of names, currency conversions, how to walk to the good restaurant down the road, and even some words in many different languages. I have learned about so many cultures and customs, people’s daily lives and the pain they have walked through, and I have learned so much about our incredible God who cares for the whole earth! Since I was exposed to so much in such a short period of time, there are many things that I didn’t even realized I learned until now… 2 months after being home.
One thing I learned how to do on the World Race was how to fight for people. As many of y’all know I started out with a group of women that couldn’t be more polar opposite. I learned what it meant to fight for each other, not just with each other. During the race God was taking us all through some pretty intense healing… which sounds nice but if you know anything about how God heals it looks a whole more like hell than healing when you are in the process.
It wasn’t like God took me from being a woman who refused to think about herself because all she could think was how ugly, mean, underserving, and manipulative she was to where I can now, on some days, look in the mirror and say “yeah you’re worth it” in a nice little sweep. It was more like God came in to do heart surgery, ripping out all the crap that didn’t belong. Let me tell you IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!! I have been in more pain and cried more this last year than I ever have in my entire life.
So why then can I look back on the race with such love, appreciation, and high recommendations? Well I was able to make it through it because of my community…. I literally had/ still have people who are fighting for me. I know this sounds all nice and cute but let me give you an example of what I mean.
A month ago God was asking me to go back to a time in my life that I have tried to forget. He showed me that there were some stuff that He wanted to do in me… but despite seeing that His plans are better than mine time and time again, I felt like there was no way I could go back to that moment. There was no way that I could handle going back to that memory… it hurt way too much. Just the thought of it sent tears streaming down my face! I told God no way I could do that, I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. And He told me, “Love I promise you are, I am not going to take you somewhere where you can’t handle. I’ve placed you in community, like Aaron holding up Moses’ hands, these girls will do the same for you.” So I went up stairs with tears in my eyes and looked at Ellie. All I could say was help and the waterworks started to pour. She pulled me into her lap and started praying. She didn’t know what she was praying for at first, but the more she prayed the stronger I felt to be able to tell her what God was asking me to do. She then asked if while I went through this with God if she could intercede on my behalf. Now my flesh hated this idea. I hated the fact that I couldn’t do it on my own. I hated the idea that someone’s day would be “burdened” because they were praying for me. I didn’t know how long this thing was going to take, how could I let someone do that. These were all the thoughts that were flooding my mind, but I also knew that I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own. So I agreed to it and went back downstairs feeling a little stronger… just strong enough to say, “Okay God let’s do this”. So I start writing, taking myself back to this moment when all these painful memories start flooding back. But the memories were even more painful this time because I realized that I could have stopped or even delayed the history that happened. That thought had never consciously occurred to me and it about broke me. My crying because painful… a pain that fills your whole body that you feel it is going to break you. A pain that feels like you can never be okay again… my perspective has changed and now this already painful memory feels like it’s going to break me.
I know this is a long story, but I want y’all to really understand what fighting for someone really means. I want you to feel a piece of what I felt so it can create a desire in you to see our need for community. In this most painful moment I think I have ever felt in my life, Ellie comes down from praying for me to just laying right beside me on the ground, holding me, crying with me that this kind of pain exists in the world. In that moment I tell her everything, she didn’t judge me, she didn’t tell me how to fix it, she just sat with me in that moment and cried with me.
She literally did Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
I can’t tell you how freeing that was to have someone not only know the darkest places of your heart, but to literally be willing to experience some of the pain you are feeling just because they love you. It was literally such a life changing moment. Because of her love and her strength I was able to walk through what I felt was impossible. I was able to not only feel the weight of the pain, but let Jesus walk me through that and bring beauty, freedom, and restoration on the other side. Her fight helped me win my battle.
This moment right here is why I value transparency and community. This moment is why I have such a huge passion for the church and body of believers all around the world.
You may be wondering why is it that I am just realizing that I have learned about fighting for people, because that happened over a month ago. Well I just realized that doesn’t exist for my people at home. When I look at my closest friends around me, we are all hurting, we are all struggling hard core at the moment, and I am the only one who has people who are checking on me weekly and sometimes even daily to see how I am really doing. Even though these people are states and some even countries away, here they are still fighting for me.
Why aren’t the other people fighting for these people I care about? I am trying to fight for them, but there are soooo many people hurting needing someone to be there to stand in the gap for them… where are all those people? Where are the people who are going to say, “Your worth the pain, let’s weep together!”????
Then it hit me.
This is why the devil is so focused on keeping the people of the church fake. Church is suppose to be the place where you come running when you are a hot broken mess… not where you come in your Sunday Best. Church people are suppose to be the people who are described like Jesus, weeping over the death of Lazarus even though he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11). Jesus doesn’t lie (that would be a sin) and I feel like faking tears is a form of lying. No Jesus instead wept with those who wept.
Guys are you getting this? It hit me like a freaking rock wall!!!!! This world needs YOU to be transparent and vulnerable, especially in church. Christians need there fellow brothers and sisters to not be passive, but instead actually get in the middle of all the pain, see the real, hard, painful battle that is going on in your life so they can actually fight the real spiritual battle that is happening. If we just stay in this place of trying to be “good perfect Christians” then Jesus died for nothing.
“Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.”
Galatians 2:21 MSG
Can we stop ruining Jesus’ name by trying to be a “Good Christian” and instead just embrace the beauty of who and what we are. WE ARE SINFUL, PRIDEFUL, DISGUSTING HUMANS… WHO ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF OUR LOVING, REDEEMING, GRACE FILLED HEAVENLY FATHER! You can literally do NOTHING without Him… so stop pretending you can.
Stop pretending your “praying for _____” because you say it out loud… actually do it. Put a reminder in your phone, write it in your planner, text it to yourself… do something! People are worth fighting for, YOU’RE WORTH FIGHTING FOR! It’s time that us Christians stop respecting people’s privacy and start actually caring about them. I can tell you 1000 times over, I rather you sit there in the uncomfortable and awkward places (even when I tell you no) just walk away because you “tried”. If you actually care about someone don’t just say you care, really care for them!
