As we were leaving Asia, I realized I was actually really sad about saying goodbye to that beautiful season in my life. From the morning Chi Tea and buttered cookies that motivated me to wake up and start a daily conversation with my Heavenly Father in India, to where this relationship grew as I hiked to the top of the mountain we were living on in Nepal to pursue actually hearing the voice of God in a tangible way. Next God spoiled me by putting me 3 blocks away from the beach in Vietnam where I was able to set up a daily routine of seek and finding how good God really was. He created this beautiful space where I could really question Him and ultimately determined that I wanted to give up everything that I could possible build my life with and put it all in His hands, officially where I took my step off of the shore and onto the water with Him. Then Cambodia came to test all of that and helped me determined that even when my time is tight and other things are calling my name, that my time with my Heavenly Father is more important. He proved to me that when I walk this way that His grace is sufficient to cover everything that actually needs to happen… many times making things that should have taken many hours happen in just a few minutes.
The last 4 months have been a time of incredible growth and I never realized that I was going to have to mourn that season being over. It feels silly to mourn it because it’s not like I’m changing what I’m doing, I’m still on the world race traveling to a new country every month, but leaving Asia was a bigger deal than I thought. This past week I have been having to work so hard to be just be okay. I feel myself ready to break down at any point in time with no real trigger to make it happen. Life keeps coming so I kept going, having some breakdowns in between, but of course my loving Heavenly Father doesn’t want to leave me here.
On our way to Africa I decided to watch “The secret life of Walter Mitty” because just about everyone on our squad has seen it. There is a moment in the movie, after all the craziness that Walter Mitty has put himself through, where Walter is up on a mountain top and asks the photographer when he is going to actually capture the picture of this beautiful snow leopard that’s in front of him, the whole reason the photographer went up there. The photographer replies astounded me. “Sometimes I don’t take the picture. If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.”
No lie, like 30 seconds after he says this Victoria taps my shoulder and point out that we were flying over Mount Kilimanjaro, the tallest mountain in Africa. Immediately I forget what I just heard and try to get out my camera so I can try and capture this cool moment so I can share it with y’all. I worked and worked for this photo, but nothing was satisfying, kind of like when you try to take a picture of a beautiful sunset and the picture does it no justice. I look back at the screen and remember the insightful words of the photographer, so I put my camera down and just enjoy the moment. I enjoy as I listen to my teammate deciding that she is going to climb that mountain one day. I enjoy as my squad mates come over in amazement talking about how beautiful Gods creation really is. I enjoy as I make new friends with the flight attendant Marcel as I ask him all sorts of questions about what we are looking at, where he is from, and finding out the music that he likes. The moment feel magical as God shows me that He has beautiful thing hidden for me every single place that I go.
I finish appreciating the moment as the mountain starts to become behind us, when I see a beautiful gem hiding. Sitting there right next to me is Victoria, my teammate, admiring the beauty of Gods creation. I pick up my phone casually to capture the moment for her to share with her parents back home. I see this incredibly moment but I’m convinced that just like earlier there is no way it’s going to do it justice…. but God doesn’t work like that. It turns out being one of my favorite pictures of all times. The coloring, the emotion, the beauty… I literally had tears coming down my eyes as I heard God tell me “See I can capture this immense beauty in a single moment. Seek me first and I promise I will give you that exact moment that you are looking for, without all the striving. It looks crazy because your not working for it, but I have called you to a life where my burden is light and my yoke is easy.”
So here I am going into Africa, my new season of life, making a declaration that I am going to seek God first in all that I do. I don’t care if I look crazy, I don’t care if I seem “too religious”, all I know is that my Heavenly Father craves a relationship with me! He wants me, my hurts, my tears, my thoughts, my conversations, my joy, my humor, my Katelyness! His favorite role is the role of being a Father, loving on His children! So here I am trying to let Him love all of me… letting him into the broken, messy, ugly, dark sides of me. I’m letting Him into the me that cares more about what others think than caring about taking care of myself; The me that knows how little I actually trust Him; The parts of me that I wish never existed. God is love so the actual act of me letting Him into those deep dark places is letting love come be there too!
I’m not the exception either! Just as God is taking me on this incredible love story, He wants to show you the specific one he has created for you! Let Him in and watch how God starts to show you His incredible love… it’s a pretty spectacular journey!
