I feel like I am sitting on the edge of the plane, door wide open, trying to prepare myself for what is next but honestly absolutely terrified to roll out of the plane. It is in this moment that I began to question did I really want this? Did I really pay money to jump out of this perfectly good airplane?
This is how I felt a few months ago when I decided to go skydiving but it feels even more accurate now! At least with skydiving I only had a few seconds to contemplate because by 3 we were out of the plane and in free fall. With the World Race I have had months of preparing, raising money, reading other WR’s blogs about what they have experienced. It’s crazy to me how I can feel so ridiculously excited and terrified at the exact same time! But it’s strange because I am not even sure what I am scared of. I’m not scared I’m going to die, I’m not scared that I am going to be hurt, and as much as I am not looking forward to the food I’m not even scared that I am going to be starving the entire time (even though this has a fairly good chance of happening…lol). I think what terrifies me most is that I know God is going to use me in a way He never has before…. How dumb is that?!? I am terrified that God is going to do what I have been asking him to do. I am such a complicated human!!! But I am because I know Him using me in new ways means Him using me in way that I have yet to think of, which means growth, WHICH MEANS GROWING PAINS!!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited about this trip! It has been a call on my heart to travel the world since I was 8. I am absolutely ecstatic to find out there are crazy people in the world like me who are willing to spend $17,000 to travel the world, loving and serving people; and that the whole living out of a backpack and tent does not phase them that much. Not only that but there are 70 plus people on my squad that feel called to the countries I feel called to. But this excitement doesn’t quite the steady flow of questions streaming from my head. It doesn’t quite the fear of traveling to a foreign land with people who I have never meet, seem any less scary.
You may be asking yourself why I am writing this? Aren’t I suppose to be using this blog to inspire you, encourage you, and draw your hearts in so you will pray for me or even sponsor my trip? Honestly, I don’t know. This is where I feel like I am at so I thought I should share…. I’m so excited that I can’t wait for it to come but so terrified that I don’t want to help it move forward!
SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME?
I am currently working to encourage myself, reminding myself that despite the absolutely terrifying experience of jumping out of that plane, it has become one of my favorite experiences. I am going through working on preparing myself for what I see God positioning me to do on this trip: physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am asking you to stand and agree with me that the best days truly yet to come. To stand within your own lives and not see the whole that I may be leaving but see the opportunity for new growth I get to present you with. Believe that although I may be the one going into the mission field that I have people back home who love and support me who are chasing so adamantly after God that lives around them can’t help but be changed. Why is this? Because then I know that I am not alone in this fight. That I have a family of people standing with me all across the world, willing to go on this incredible terrifying journey with me! So please over these next months, press into the crazy journey God is telling you and don’t be afraid to share it! I believe God can do more with these honest vulnerable places than any inspirational speech.
Thanks for reading.
