If you knew me while I was between the ages of 5 to 21, you’d know that I was a very rebellious child. I struggled with submitting to any kind of authority; those words alone would cause my fists to clench and my lips to purse, as I would hear the dull sound of my grinding teeth in the back of my ears.
I prided myself with disobedience against my parents, my babysitters, my teachers, my youth pastors, and even the God I claimed to love and this kind of disrespect against authority turned into self-proclaimed idolatry toward myself.
And then I learned that God instructs wives to submit to their husbands and before I had a chance to decide whether I wanted to agree with this or not, the Lord took my hand and walked me through a journey of gently showing me what exactly this means. Here is what I have learned about submission as a wife…
First of all, because our culture and society have so heavily warped and perverted the meaning of “submission”, I want to start off by telling you what submission isn’t.
-Submission does not mean you are forced to agree on everything.
-Submission does not mean the wife is not of equal worth or value as her husband.
-Submission is not leaving your brain at the altar.
-Submission does not mean you don’t try to influence, encourage, or share your opinions with your husband.
-Submission is not putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
-Submission is not recognition of inferiority.
-Submission does not mean the wife is getting all of her spiritual strength from her husband.
-Submission does not mean you should live or act in fear.
-Submission does not mean your husband is always right.
Many women have an issue with submitting to their husband as the head of the home because they believe a lot of the things stated above which stems mostly from our society. If you are a Christian, you can’t claim to believe in the word of God but then pick and choose parts of the Bible that are convenient for you to believe in or follow.
Ephesians 5:21-24 Paul writes, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Ah, yes, every man’s favorite passage in scripture. But there are obligations on the husband as well. The 9 verses following this passage are instructions for the husband to “love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ladies, we have one simple instruction, contained in 3 verses: to submit. This doesn’t mean we are instructed to submit to men in society as a whole but only to our husbands.
Men, your instructions are to love your wife as Christ does, sacrificially, willing to die in her place at any given time.
So which do you think is more difficult? To respect and submit, or to love a person relentlessly, freely, uncompromisingly, persistently, insistently, and ruthlessly no matter how they act, just as Jesus loves us and would die for us? I don’t ask this in regards to there being a competition in whose marital role is harder. My point is that I don’t believe there is any room or excuse for any woman to complain against submission to a Godly and loving husband.
Both spouses are called to die to self and love and respect each other and sacrifice for one another. Both are called to see their marriage as a model of the relationship of Christ to the church. The word ‘submission’ is a heavy one but I don’t think many women would have a problem with coming under the submission of a husband who was loving her as Christ loves her, giving himself sacrificially for her.
Read verse 21 again: submit to one another. So the principle of submission is not just for wives. This is how you produce fruit out of a Spirit filled life. This life is one that gives preference to one another as husband and wife.
Married couples are a team; don’t put personal interest above the interest of the whole (the team). To submit means that you are in subjection under. You are part of a divine unit or team and neither individual is more important than the other.
God has appointed the husband to be the head of the wife because it demonstrates how He is the head of the church. He has ordained the operations of authority, not an order in regard to one spouse being better or greater than the other, but he has ordained the operations within the marriage as one equal unit.
Ephesians 5:22- ‘Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.’
This does not mean you place your husband on par with the Lord, as if he were equal to the Lord. It doesn’t mean you submit to your husband without question. We should always submit to God without question but our husbands are not equal to God (sorry dudes).
A person who interprets the verse in that way seeks to define the extent of the submission. Nowhere in the bible does it require anyone to render submission to anyone else without questioning except for the Lord. A person who submits to someone other than God without questioning is placing that person on par with idolatry. It puts someone in the place of God in your life. Submitting without reservation or question should be what your relationship with God looks like and no one else.
On the flip side, wives can have a tendency to try to interpret this in the light of limitation, as in as long as the wife knows that whatever the husband is doing is from the Lord then she’ll submit. But the bible doesn’t say “submit to your husband if he is right.” This interpretation defines the limit of submission. The problem is that then it becomes the wife’s responsibility to determine whether or not his leading is from the Lord and so the wife reasons like this: if I believe his direction or decision is Godly, I’ll submit. If not, I won’t submit.
This means that the wife will submit as long as she agrees with her husband but submission isn’t about agreeing. A wife’s submission shouldn’t be on her terms because that’s not true submission. True submission is tested when the wife doesn’t agree with her husband. If you’re going along with your husband, you’re not submitting, you’re agreeing.
This verse isn’t meant to be interpreted by the extent or limit of your submission but by the motive of your submission, which should be your obedience to the Lord. A wife’s submission isn’t primarily something she does for her husband, but for God.
“…as you do to the Lord” = Submitting so that you are honoring in His sight bringing Him glory through your obedience. When the wife doesn’t submit unto the Lord, she’s not only falling short as a wife, she’s falling short as a follower of Christ. She isn’t submitting to her husband because he’s more intelligent, or capable, or because he’s “always right”, she’s submitting to honor and glorify Jesus Christ.
Your husband may very well be wrong at times. You might give him your advice or opinion and he might still do the opposite. In this case, you should still submit because God will hold him accountable for his decision. It’s not just a husband’s responsibility to lead, but it’s an accountability. He will be held accountable before God in the way in which he leads.
The Lord knows that His instruction for us to submit is not always an easy one and because He is compassionate, He gives us some insight into why He gave these instructions.
Reason #1: In order to honor and glorify Christ (verse 22).
Reason #2: The order of creation. God has created the husband to be the head of the wife: Adam was created first and then Eve was created from Adam to show her connection to and completion of the man. This is the counter piece of the puzzle: two becoming one. God ordained this divine design of roles for the husband and wife before the fall even took place.
Reason #3: It is the model of the union between Jesus and the church (verse 24). If the wife doesn’t want a leader in the team marriage union, then she doesn’t understand biblical marriage and will always be working against it in some form or another. Paul is saying that this is like a believer who doesn’t want Jesus as his head. It’s counterproductive to God’s design and when the wife resists the headship of her husband, its like her body acting independently of her head which is an indication of something unhealthy, not something advanced or modern.
But remember that the head also needs the body just as much as the body needs the head. So there’s nothing inferior about the other, they just serve different roles.
Therefor, gentlemen: wise is the man who will listen to his wife when you’re making decisions and navigating through life. Take to heart what she says and if she’s right, then she’s right. Let your wife speak into your life. She is your Godly helper, let her help.
Husbands, consider what your wife says because maybe she’s right. But wives, maybe you are right and he still chooses to go in another direction…support him, encourage him, don’t sit back and take blows at him and say, “I told you so.” Let him learn how to lead. Let him make mistakes. God will honor that.
My marriage is my ministry. It is the second most important relationship in my life after my relationship with Christ. Jon and I have learned to fight for our marriage instead of fighting within our marriage and because of this, I am passionate about walking out this marriage journey through a biblical foundation and trusting in the word of the One who created the covenant of marriage.
**We have made a commitment to this mission journey as a married couple to accomplish the Kingdom work that the Lord has placed on our hearts- please consider donating to this mission so that we can finally reach our fundraising goal to bless so many children of God around the globe! We are only $3,000 away from being fully funded! There is no gift that is too small! Thank you.
