So two Tuesdays ago, I woke up at 4am to go to work — At 430, I discovered there was a car missing from the garage and I called my father on my way to work. I then quickly discovered that my grandfather wasn’t ‘going to make it’. I didn’t understand- he had just been at the hospital for three days for another silly surgery that he more than likely hated even the idea of. I try to not visit him while he’s in the hospital due to his distaste for it and how different and fragile he looks sitting in that hospital bed. With tears streaming down my face, I told work I would not be able to stay and I headed to the hospital in disbelief.
That’s just how the day had started. After Grandpa Scherb left this world around 8am, we quickly decided as a family that we needed to drive down to Martin TN in order to tell my little sister about the news face to face. Moms Dad however, had been doing poorly health wise from suffering from the terrible disease of Alzheimer’s for the last 8 years so Mom decided to stay back and we left my older brother with her to be her support system. Jamie had just headed back for her first week of her second collegiate volleyball preseason. After surprising her and then delivering the news, that night after dinner in TN and some therapeutic Dairy Queen dessert, we received the news of my other grandfathers passing just after 10pm… Yes, we lost two grandpas in one day. The second passing was anticipated yet still emotional and hard to accept.
Therefore fundraising was put on hold. The next week my brother got married, so fundraising was put on hold for that week. The month of August is almost up and this was supposed to be the prime month for fundraising in my plans. What have I learned from it? One, it’s hard to pick up where you left off after such an emotional couple of weeks. Two, my plans aren’t His plans and therefore are insufficient. Trying to trust and rely on The Lord while knowing I need to be active in fundraising is very difficult. How much is too much? How little is too little?
Ideas such as car washes, garage sales, sewing jobs, business partnerships, support letters, phones calls were all put on hold and I can’t help but second guess them now that the momentum was taken away from me, pulled right from underneath my feet. I quit one of my many jobs in order to have more time dedicated towards fundraising and just being overall more healthy. But getting back into the rhythm is hard, it’s frustrating, but oh how I am reminded how worth it it truly is. To travel, learn, serve, and be changed. To be moved to higher highs than I’ve ever imagined while at the same time being challenged by my lowest of lows.
Lately I’ve been in thought of how the small things seem so big to us here (here in America). Someone disrespecting us by walking behind our desks without permission, small weight gain, acne, relationship status, horrible drivers, uneducated roundabout goers, the list goes on… One of the many things that the world race and this journey mean to me is that we take away everything that we’re used to. Create a world that is uncomfortable for us (causing or feeling unease or awkwardness by the new places and ways of living), and realize and focus on what really matters; relationships and Jesus.
Although life will continue going on at home while I’m not there, babies may be born or conceived, loved ones may (Lord willing won’t) pass on, little sis will start high school, and that list goes on as well.. but my life will be going on also. I’ll learn and meet about more lives and their lifestyles over seas. And when I have to leave them, I’ll realize that their lives will go on without me as well. What matters is whats in front of us, the people in front of us, and the situations in front of us. One hard couple of weeks turned into extra motivation and reassurance, this trip is what I’m supposed to do, it’s my calling. I love you Grandpa (x2), I’m thankful for all of the encouragement from friends and family and shout-out to my new sis in law for well, now being a Scherb girl.
xoxo
