If you don’t read any other blog of mine this year, please read this one. It’s raw and vulnerable and exactly where God needs me to be.
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Several months ago I was sitting in a room having a fairly deep conversation with two of my guy friends on my squad. As a sister in Christ, they had asked me point blank why many women struggle so much with their outward appearance and the way they are perceived by others.
I struggled with the answer. I was not an exception to the very nature they were speaking of, and yet I found that I honestly didn’t know how to answer their question. I didn’t know why I fought such a difficult inward battle, desiring value and approval based on other’s perception of my outward self.
I have wrestled with the question since then. Why, indeed, do we as women struggle so much with the perception of others- why do we care so much about what people think and how we appear to the world?
Recently I listened to a sermon series called “The Beautiful Design” by Matt Chandler. It gave amazing biblical perspective into both Biblical manhood and womanhood, our purpose, downfalls, and redemption. (I recommend this series to any and all- it’s incredible!)
In one of the sermons, Chandler uses Genesis 2-3 to categorize the struggles of men and women into two common extremes for each gender. For women, the two extremes are comparison and perfectionism. This is where things really started to click for me.
I immediately began testing his teaching by trying to place each of my struggles into either category. The desire to have a fit body by societies standards, measuring myself against others- especially other women, my desire to feel in control of myself and my surroundings, fear of trying something new if I am not sure of the outcome, judging what others say as truth and identity in who I am- the list goes on.
The struggle of comparison and perfectionism reeks in my life. I desire the approval and validation of others so that I can create identity in the opinions of others. I don’t remember a time in my life that I didn’t measure myself by the approval of others- it has become a habitual sin that dates so far back that I don’t know what life looks like without it.
You would think that being surrounded by a God-fearing community and working in full-time ministry would immediately call me out of this. While the approval of man is a concept I have been able to find more freedom in this year, the deep rooted issues and symptoms that play out on a daily basis are often easy to disguise. It’s a self-deprecating cycle of placing more weight on what my peers think than what God thinks.
Here is an example of a way this very struggle has actually manifested itself even more boldly since being on the Race.
Social Media.
There isn’t a more tangible way for me to see how the perception of others rules my life than on my instagram and facebook. More often than not, my motive for choosing to post a picture is 20% about informing family, friends, and supporters about my life and 80% about the number of likes and quality of the comments I will receive from the post. Why? Because I view it as a status check. Do people really see me? More importantly, do they like what they see? Do they care? Am I still important? Am I portraying the picture I want them to see? How will it compare to what everyone else’s life looks like?
“Do it for the ‘Gram” has become a very popular saying in our culture. The last pictures I posted “for the gram” were from my visit to Victoria Falls. The first one looks like I am candidly smiling and laughing with the beauty of the waterfalls and greenery in the background. That’s what I wanted it to look like, but that’s wasn’t the reality. That was a posed photo, one I spent way too much time thinking about when I should have just been enjoying one of the 7 wonders of the world! My mind was so focused on the artsy photo I wanted to portray that I barely took time to thank the Creator of the universe for making something so magnificently beautiful and giving me a divine opportunity to set my eyes on his majesty.
When I bring it out to light with raw vulnerability, it’s a little disgusting where my thoughts land. When I post a picture to see how many likes I will get, I fall back into the lies of false identity rooted in approval and validation from man.
This month we visited a squatters village where people live in homes made of scrap material and barely scrape by to survive. Every week I would hug the children, spin them in circles, sing songs, dance, and do everything I could to bring smiles to their faces. While my heart genuinely cared for these beautiful children of God, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that in the back of my mind I was hoping to get that really cute, laughing photo with a kid in poverty to add to my profile.
I will call that what it is. That’s a gross mindset rooted in a sick heart. Whether it’s forethought or an afterthought that is a pattern of thinking rooted in incredibly selfish motive. And of course grace abounds for all our sin- that’s the beauty of the gospel, the power of the cross (Romans 3:22-24). But this, my friends, is the reality of our humanity. Why is my time loving women and children in poverty stricken villages tainted by a goal to pad my social media presence? It’s a distraction from the enemy in accomplishing a divine purpose and I am irresponsible not to fight against selfish ambition.
But there’s more. My thought process is not only fractured when I post a picture, but almost every time I scroll through the posts of others on social media. I think to myself, how do I measure up to everyone else this week? It’s great my friends and family are living exciting, fulfilled lives, but how do I compare? Do the snapshots of life I present give the impression of an artsy, adventurous, independent, classy individual? At least I am doing better than her/him. I wish I looked as skinny and beautiful as that girl.
It’s a sick competition of comparison and perfectionism that I play from the comfort of my devise and it only leaves my heart sicker, my esteem smaller, and my mind weaker. I am convinced it’s a game many of us play silently, creating a higharchy in our minds of the community we live whether that is our high school, collage campus, ministry field, work place, or church.
That is exactly where Satan wants my mind to go as I scroll on my apps right before I go to bed or as soon as I wake up in the morning. He wants me to be more concerned about me, myself and I, the façade I present to the world, and the energy and focus I will put into continuing to uphold the posed, perfect life I want everyone to think I lead. The outcome is being more concerned about portraying a false self than a genuine one so that I will be distracted from the gospel, the very thing I am called to share and bring life, love and hope to this dying world.
It’s an easy virtual distraction Satan uses to keep us more focused on ourselves than the brokenness and needs of the world around us.
And it’s working.
Now I want to make one thing very clear. I do not believe social media is bad in and of itself. I don’t think posting pictures of the kids I meet in Africa is immoral. In fact, I know how great social media can be for sharing the stories of how God is moving and changing hearts all around the world. In the same way we can use social media to glorify ourselves, we can also use it to glorify God and bring the good news of the gospel to the world.
I’m also not trying to over spiritualize this. Sometimes updates on social media are just a fun inside look into what is going on in life. That’s great! God wants us to enjoy life and share it with others.
My point is that it’s the motivation behind my social media use that matters. Are we choosing to use what we share with the world to bring glory to ourselves, or to what God is doing in our lives? If we as Christian’s claim for God to be the center of our lives, the very purpose for our lives, are we following through with that call invading every area including our snapchat and instagram stories?
For me, it’s a simple motive check. What is my goal for posting this picture or video- to pad my profile or humbly share with others where God is working in my life? When I choose to scroll through instagram, is it because my spirit is uplifted to see what God is doing in the lives of others or because I want to see how I measure up to everyone else? Does my profile represent what is most important to me, and more importantly, to God? Or is it a platform I use to glorify myself and pad my ego.
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The truth I have been learning all year long is this life is not about me, my ambitions, or my successes. Because it’s all fruitless and wasted if it doesn’t include God. I want to overcome my tendencies towards comparison and perfectionism because that isn’t the kind of egotistical life God asked me to live.
Social Media is one of my first steps in actively warring against my flesh and the distractions it brings when I focus on myself rather than the goodness of what God is doing in the world around me. I ask for you to consider the same thing, as well as actively keep me accountable as my community.
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“You were taught to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
-Ephesians 4:22-25
