Anger, confusion, bitterness, loneliness, restlessness. This is what I felt after arriving home from Swaziland one year ago. Last year I went on a high school Ambassador trip through Adventures In Missions. We spent four weeks in the beautiful country of Swaziland loving little black babies, eating pb&j, chasing chickens, and growing more intimate with God. It was hard, though. I didn’t really want to leave my home to stay in a tiny house with limited electricity, no indoor plumbing, and sleeping on the ground. But during my stay there I have never felt more at home, in my place, and exactly where God wanted me.
Re entry was hard. Like really really hard. I no longer felt like I belonged. I was awkward and out of place. I cried for weeks. I avoided my friends. I hated my home. I was bitter towards the spoiled, self absorbed life so many people lead here. God ripped me away from this life for four weeks and put me out of my comfort zone completely relying on Him, serving Him, loving Him and loving His children. I LOVED it. I wanted to go back. I was so mad at God for making me come back to this life when I felt so strongly that I needed to be somewhere abroad serving Him. But I had to come back to America and engage in my life here. I still had a year left in high school, varsity volleyball and basketball teams to play for, friends and family to be with, a college and career to choose. So as much as I didn’t want to, with time I adjusted.
See, life is about seasons. Time in Swaziland was a beautiful season of my life, but it had to come to an end. I remember God telling me that the season in Swaziland was over and it was time to move onto the next season of my life. So I chose to make the most of this season. I didn’t want to waste it. I worked hard in school and at my job. I grew closer to my friends and made some new ones. I gave it all I had in sports. I loved and served my family. I even found ways to do ministry locally. I don’t wanna brag, but I have thrived in this season. It’s been a solid year. A lot has happened, but I’ve grown so much from it.
But all good seasons come to an end and I began to prepare for the next. I toured many colleges seeking for a direction from God. He had made it so abundantly clear that I was supposed to go to Swaziland and then that I was supposed to be at home to finish my senior year of high school. Like most people my age, college is the next season of life after high school. Confusion hit while I toured colleges because the only abundantly clear response I heard from Him was “no.” Literally every single college was a confirmed negative from Him. The only time I didn’t get a “no” was when I asked about the World Race. But see, I thought God and I had an agreement that I need to be invested in life here in America. I love my life here. I love the relationships I have. I love being close to my family. I love my job. I love the children’s ministry I’ve gotten involved in. Going to college must be the next season of my life because I could build on all the work we’ve done in this past season. No, the World Race couldn’t be it because I have to stay here. God has blessed me with fruitful relationships and amazing opportunities. I can’t leave. Not now.
I continued to seek His will and direction and He continued to respond with the World Race. Knowing that if I ignored Him and pursued something besides the World Race, I’d be miserable. So I applied and was accepted into the World Race Gap Year program. I was’t really surprised. The fundraising process began and donations immediately started flooding in. Again, not really surprised. This is exactly where God wants the next season of my life to be.
The anger, confusion and bitter feelings have come back. I did NOT want to leave. I know leaving means I won’t be the same when I return. I know I’m gonna grow a part from the relationships I’ve made this past year. I also know how re entry works and I do not want that hurt again. I cried out to God begging Him not to make me leave. His response?
“It’s time for a new season. You will change, but for good. You may grow a part from these relationships, but you will grow closer to ME. It is going to hurt and it is going to be hard, but it’s going to be so so good.”
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
I can’t tell you how many times God has brought this verse to me in so many different ways. In my quiet time, scrolling through my Instagram feed, hanging on the wall in church, from a stranger, and from one of my closest friends.. He’s reminding me over and over and over. He has called me into this new season for the GOOD. So although I don’t want to leave, I need to. Seasons end when the growing stops. I’m no longer growing here, I’m too comfortable. It’s time to move on. Now that I’ve accepted that, I can welcome this new season with excitement for what God has in store. The World Race is going to be SO GOOD.
So lesson of the day(more like lesson of my life): Embrace the season you’re in right now because it will be over before you know it. And welcome the season ahead of you because God has so much in store for GOOD!!
If you’d like to help God continue to prove His point and prove me wrong, you can click the Donate! button at the top of this page to make a donation towards my trip 😉
All jokes aside though, I would REALLY appreciate it!!
