It can’t be explained. It’s the feeling you get when you hug your mother, when you see a friend after a long time, when you get kisses from your dog or when you see something beautiful in someone. It’s a deep, longing, love. It’s a love that causes you to tear up on the spot, that makes tour heart literally ache. It’s a feeling I believe parents experience when holding their child for the first time. A love only God understands.
This is how I currently feel. No words can explain. But I try to type them out.
I braided my favorite girls hair in the salon today, taking my time so that it looked perfect and praying silent prayers over her and her son. She asked me several times about the tattoo on my arm and where I run in Bangkok. I laughed and tried to explain that it’s not about physically running but about living my life in a way that I always say yes to Jesus. I’m not sure she completely grasped it but that is ok.
During my few hours there, my heart was distracted. Sitting amongst the women was a young lady boy. She sat, dressed to the nines, with make-up applied better than I ever could, and timidly interacted with us. The thing that bothered me, however was how young she looked. As an older sister, all I wanted to do was braid her hair and let her know how loved she is.
After seeing all the other girls hair braided she wanted to match. I called her over and she plopped down in the chair, hands over her mouth as she giggled.
How old is she?… I couldn’t ask because I didn’t want to know… but she looked so young… my mind raced with thoughts… and then I overheard her say it to one of the women. 16. Only 16. My hands trembled because of how much my heart ached. I prayed and my heart cried out to God for this child. How God?! My mind raced with the possibilities and graphic images of what would happen to her every night. I couldn’t and still can’t grasp it. As I type this out now my eyes well up with tears. 16!
With that, I took up the challenge of loving her as big as I could and in the only way I knew how to in that moment, braiding her hair. It had to be perfect. I made sure there were no frizzies, the part was straight and the braids even. Once I finished and handed her the mirror she covered her mouth and giggled again with excitement. Her, almost embarrassed, expression let me know she truly loved it and felt beautiful. My job was done. Her smile was enough to let me know that she felt different and felt a different love, a Godly love. I told her “Swy Mak!” (Soy ma) which means very beautiful and she blushed. The rest of her time there she giggled and kept looking at her hair in the mirror. Though my heart was breaking it was also smiling, to see her smile was enough.
Once all the girls left it hit me that this was my last day with them. As we prayed to close out the evening, I choked back tears and thoughts of not wanting to leave Thailand. I know they are in amazing hands and that God is with them, protecting them but it hurts knowing that I won’t see them again. It blows my mind how much I fell in love with these girls in only two days. It is truly the work of the Lord.
So to the lovely ladies I say,
I love you. May the Lord Jesus Christ bless you and keep you safe. May he place his shield around you and protect you from all harm. May he allow an open door for you to run through, toward him and freedom. May you feel his true, unconditional love. May you feel honored and worthy. May you receive full redemption in his blood.
Amen.
