Last week, my squad came together with another squad we’ve run into a couple times throughout the year. We spent a few days on a big ranch in Nicaragua putting on a mini-conference for each other. With teachings, worship, fun, and more. Over 60 people, tenting under one big pavilion, sharing one bathroom, two showers, and a lot of love.
I came into the first day a little discouraged. I had come off a hectic time and was carrying some insecurity in leadership.
Our first night we were asked to sit before the Lord and see if He had anyone in particularly on His heart to pray for. So, I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and said a little prayer that sounded something like– “Nope. Not tonight, Lord. You can bring someone to me, because tonight I need the prayer… :)” LOL.
Almost instantly He brought a girl from the other squad to mind, who I had seen a couple times but never got the chance to meet.
It isn’t unusual for me to have conversations with God that start with, “But Lord, I don’t want to…” (I’m working on it) Each time He patiently responds in one of three ways. Sometimes it’s a simple, “Kylee, I didn’t ask you to.” That’s when I know I, out of my own pride or desire to please others, completely conjured something up on my own, something He’s not even asking of me.
Another answer He gives is a, “I’m not going to make you, but, it’s for your good.” (This typically comes with freezing cold showers, or eating some healthy foreign food.) That’s when I know I should probably just suck it up and do it. He’ll be with me, it’s fine.
And then there’s my favorite. A simple, “Okay, but…” With a big smile. That’s when I know he has something really cool up His sleeve that He’s inviting me to be a part of.
So, our conversation started with a, “But Lord, I don’t even know her name.”
“You may not know her name, but you see her. I know her name, I see her, and I value her,” He responded.
“But Lord, tonight’s the night I get prayer, remember?”
“Okay, but…” Cue the big smile.
That’s all it took.
Tap, tap. “Hi. The Lord highlighted you to me tonight. He gave me two words for you. Seen, and valued. Could I pray those words over you?”
She said yes. We prayed. She didn’t really say anything after. I gave her a quick hug and walked back to my seat.
“Lord, I don’t know what that was about. But thank you for Your grace. My heart was murky and You still spoke. My heart was selfish and You still allowed me to be a part of Your Kingdom work.”
Our last morning together the Lord showed me His graciousness again, as this girl shared her testimony of our squads’ time together over the past few days. How the Lord spoke to her through some girl she never met from the other squad, the exact same words He spoke to her through a squad mate one month earlier. A reminder that she is seen and valued.
Throughout these same few days the Lord had put another girl from the other squad on my heart. I met her a few times before, (the actual sweetest thing) but we hadn’t interacted much. That last morning the Lord gave me a picture of a tree rooted in water. “Ha, do You want to explain that, Lord?” *No response.*
I asked to borrow one of my squadmates water colors.
Hours passed as I put it off as long as I could.
Finally, I walked over to her. “Hi. I have something for you. This is so random but you have been on my heart all week and I haven’t really known why but I’ve been praying for you and this morning I had this picture come to mind so I thought I would paint it for you but I’m really bad at painting and also I have no idea what it means, so, here you go.” (Yes, I realize that is a really long run-on sentence. I was awkward…)
She smiled really big, “Thank you!” Gave me a hug and walked away.
About an hour later she stopped me, “I was going to let you take your obedience in faith but I have to tell you – the other day when we were worshiping through art I asked the Lord for a picture of freedom. He gave me a picture of roots that are identical to the roots you drew on this tree for me.”
Now, if you’re anything like me, it doesn’t surprise you at all that Holy Spirit speaks. And yet, there are still times that I can’t believe He’s speaks to and through ME. The girl who gets it wrong more often than she gets it right. The one who is still figuring so much out. The sassy one, who 5 minutes ago tried to boss You around with a premature “I don’t want to,” as You shook Your head patiently and chuckled a bit, proceeding with kindness.
But He does! He speaks to me, he speaks to my squadmates, and he speaks to YOU! Even at our lows, even during our grumpy moments, even in our hesitancy. Even while we’re still figuring it all out. He’s always willing and eager to speak to us, if we would just open our hearts and ears to listen.
Next time you think you may hear that still small voice, take a leap of faith. I promise He’ll blow you away.
