Gosh. This summer I spent 3 months in Colorado at Sky Ranch Ute Trail and when I look back on those months I am truly in awe. It was such a blessing! And as great as the ministry and community were, one of the cherries on top was the way the Lord revealed to me some of the gifts He has given me.
The Lord gave me a job this summer that highlighted ways He uses me through leadership and boldness. And ultimately I got to walk through the summer confidently, getting to see the Lord use every strength and weakness He’s given me to glorify Himself. It was so sweet!
And then I got home and I was given a time to rest – a week of nothing.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Kylee, that sounds like a dream come true!” And it really was so nice.
But what I didn’t realize was how much of myself had come to place my value in the things I do.
You see, I can’t tell you the last time I did “nothing.” But I can tell you that after a day of doing nothing and serving no one, I started feeling like nothing.
I felt like I was stripped of everything and everyone that had defined me as someone of worth, and if I’m being perfectly honest, I started feeling kinda worthless.
One day I was listening to this song by Housefires called Never Been So Free. It’s kind of been an anthem of mine lately. There is a part in the chorus that says, “Never felt so secure, knowing your heart Lord.” And as I was listening to it the other day, it hit me.
Lately I have not been feeling very secure.
If anything, I’ve actually been feeling very insecure.
And the only explanation I could think of is that lately my identity hasn’t been coming from the Lord’s heart for me.
Because if we’re being honest, if I knew the Lord’s heart for me, and I mean really knew it, there wouldn’t be a thing in the world that could separate me from feeling secure.
You see for quite a while now, the Lord has been so faithful in using me as a vessel, to serve and lead and invest in others through Him. All really good things! But, somewhere along the line my security started coming from these things – from serving the Lord.
It’s funny how the enemy can take a good thing, like serving the Lord, and use it to his advantage.
So, the other day the Lord sat me down and asked me, Kylee, if you never served me another minute of your life, but I still called you Mine, would that be enough for you?
And I so badly wanted to yell, “YES Lord! Of course it would!!”
But in that moment the thought of never getting to do anything for Him again – of never getting to be a vessel for His Truth and Glory – made me feel yet again, worthless. And the only explanation I could think of is my worth was coming from what I was doing instead of what has been done for me.
1 Peter 1 talks about being called to holiness “…knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot.”
Merriam-Webster defines futile as: incapable of producing any useful result; pointless.
Guys, reality is our inherent nature is in no way good. And therefore we are FUTILE.
I am, in and of myself, incapable of producing anything useful because there is, in and of myself, no. good. And therefore, my ways are POINTLESS.
That’s the truth.
That is why the Old Testament is filled with sacrifices of lambs without blemish or spot – because we needed a blemish-less sacrifice to take our punishment.
But then the ultimate Lamb without blemish or spot came and made the ultimate sacrifice. Taking the punishment of death for our inherent, no good nature. Buying us life, not with just silver or gold – no, those things are temporary. Instead, He bought us life with His BLOOD.
Romans 5:7 says, “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die…”
Ain’t that the truth.
Guys if I’m being honest, I struggle enough with taking on the shame of my own actions. I don’t want people to know about times I don’t respond to my parents with patience or I judge the Christian for not offering grace. (Ironic, huh?)
And if we can barely stand to take the cross for our own sins, how much more do we struggle in bearing the cross of others??
But Christ’s heart for us is this: That even while He had no shame to bear, He would take on our shame!
He had no reason to be publicly humiliated, shamefully crucified – and daily we do.
Yet He did it! He took it on! Every shout of the scoffers mocking, every number of weakening beats, every ounce of public humiliation, every second of separation from His Father – so that we wouldn’t have to.
That is His heart for us!
That is love!
Love is not a word; love is an action. And God’s love for us is so deep that it led Him to the cross!
He went to the cross just so He could call you a friend. He went to the cross just so He could adopt you His child. He went to the cross just so He could spend eternity with you as His bride!
Our redemption cost Jesus His LIFE. He IS the only reason we have anything good to give. And yet, we still try to define ourselves by the good we give instead of the One who is the only good in us???
The Lord allows us to serve Him, and this is such a gracious gift!!! But lets not let what we do for Him define who we are instead of letting Him define who we are by what He has done for us.
Our life cost our Lord everything; I pray that it is everything to us.
