I’ve always been fascinated by the character of Christ. As a theatre artist, I’ve wrestled with understanding what made Him tick. Often times, when I see an actor portray Jesus on screen, I notice the little things about that actor’s look or demeanor or sound of their voice that conflicts with the Jesus in my head. “That Jesus’ is too stoic.” “That Jesus is too soft.” “That Jesus has weird hair.”
The Jesus in my head is kind of this invincible superhero. In my mind, He’s an unstoppable, unshaken, un-phased superhuman, one whose steely eyes could shut down any argument. His voice is deep, and when He speaks, you know He’s the authority. He’s confident, charming, and never concerned with anything. Really, He’s more God than man.
But the Bible doesn’t always depict Him as strong. In fact, the Bible shows Jesus in moments where He felt most vulnerable. And this Easter, as I’m serving in a hot little Cambodian village halfway across the world, there’s one little aspect of the Jesus story that is starting to come into view.
Jesus, the Son of God, the exact physical incarnation of God, the most perfect being ever to walk this earth, was a human like me.
“But how ‘human’ was he really?” I wonder. Did Jesus really struggle like us? Did He actually think about giving in when the devil tempted Him, or was He strong enough to resist? When He asked God to “take the cup” from him in Gethsemane, was He actually asking God if He could give up? Did He really doubt God’s faithfulness to Him on the cross, when He knew that He was going to be with Him in Heaven just moments later?
When I think about Jesus being fully human, I imagine Him as someone who must have had a weakness. But did Jesus have a weakness? Did He have a “chink in his armor”? If he had one, wouldn’t that mean that something in the world was stronger than Him?
Could it be possible that Jesus was fully God and all-powerful, and yet fully man who struggled with weaknesses?
If you’ve kept up with my blogs, you’d know that this past month in Cambodia has been hard. The past two weeks have been highlighted by rough living conditions, homesickness, and general fatigue from Race life. In the midst of sitting in a 110-degree school room, sweating through my clothes, I often feel like I’m suffering. “Why did I think this was something I wanted?” I ask myself, as I try to summon joy that will hopefully distract me from the beads of sweat dripping down my back. “What purpose is there in this hardship?” “What purpose does suffering have if it doesn’t affect anyone else?” “Why is suffering an integral part of the life of a missionary?”
Obviously, I can’t even begin to compare my “first world problems” to the sufferings of Christ. I’m sure Jesus had no problem staying positive 2,000 years before air conditioning existed. But even yet, as I struggle to remain focused on the joys of this life, I still can’t diminish the hardship of enduring these external conditions that I’ve never had to suffer through before. “Why, Lord, does it matter to you that I do ministry in Cambodia without A/C?” “I could’ve been in a much better, more positive mood in ministry if I didn’t have to suffer. The people I’m serving wouldn’t ever need to know that I slept in a bed, or that I took a hot shower, or that I didn’t sweat in my sleep. What is the point of all of this?”
In my journey of following God, I’ve felt weak. I’ve felt powerless. I’ve wanted to give up. But did Jesus?
Imagine if Jesus asked the same questions. “Father, why do I need to physically live on Earth for 33 years? Why can’t I come down for a month, die, and get this whole salvation thing over with? I could be a much better, more positive Savior of the World if I didn’t have to sleep in a desert, or bathe in a river, or eat weird animals, when I could stay here in Heaven and always be clean and satisfied! Why do I really need to suffer?”
But what if Jesus came down and died for us, without ever having physically lived out humanity alongside us? Would He really understand us – our weaknesses, our earthly struggles, our pain – without being one of us?
Maybe Jesus did feel human weakness. In the moments before His death, maybe He felt the same fear and stress and dread that any of us would feel. Maybe He cried when Lazarus died instead of staying strong, because His heart hurt for those who were hurting. Maybe Jesus cried out in the pain of abandonment on the cross, not because He forgot the truth, but because He finally understood the weight of sin cast on Him that the world was once burdened with.
If Jesus felt the same weaknesses I feel, even though His God-nature could have given Him the power to escape at any moment, then surely He’s proof that weakness can be overcome. In the midst of his struggles, He never let his weakness overcome the truth. And surely, in submitting to a life burdened by human weakness, He proved that there was a purpose in enduring the everyday struggles of life. Because even though He lived 33 years on this fallen earth, and died the world’s most gruesome death, He kept His gaze on us, knowing that every moment of suffering was a way of telling us “I’m here for you. I’m here with you. I’m here to know you.”
And so, I think about by time here in Cambodia. Every day, I show up to my classroom at 7:30 am, already sweating. But so do my students. Every day, I battle heat exhaustion while I try to stay under a fan and out of the hot sun. But so do my students. Every day, I lay down on a thin sleeping pad on the floor, hoping to be able to sleep through the night without getting eaten by bugs. But so do my students. In enduring the small sufferings of life on the Race, I am sharing in the sufferings with the people I’m hoping to connect with.
Sure, there are months where my living situation is much nicer than most other people. But in the moments where I am forced to sit in hardship, I can find purpose in knowing that I am in a small way experiencing what the people who suffer around me are dealing with. And in that, I am humbled, and I learn to live empathetically alongside those in need.
Because my Jesus did the same for me. My Jesus loved me so much, He put Himself in my shoes to endure what I endure. Jesus left His comfortable power seat in Heaven and made Himself weak through suffering on this Earth because of love.
So in my moments of weakness in the coming months, I remember that my Jesus would have done the World Race too. He would have carried His whole life in a backpack. He would have slept on the floor for weeks at a time. He would have taken bucket showers. He would have ridden in the back of a pick-up truck. He would have played with children on hot dusty roads. He would have sweat through every piece of clothing He owned. He would have sat and listened to the hardships of the widow in the village. He would have loved any ministry put in His path, no matter the struggle, because He would have known that each struggle was an opportunity to grow closer in empathy with the people around Him.
This Easter, I’m thankful that Jesus not only took away my sin on the cross, but that He intentionally chose to come down to leave His comfort zone to become one of us. I’m thankful that my God loves the world so much, that He’s not afraid to get skin in the game in order to fight for us. I’m thankful that even through my weakness and struggles on the World Race, I have a God who understands – not just because He sees my weaknesses, but because He has lived my weaknesses.
I pray this Easter, as you reflect on the cross and the glorious victory we have in His resurrection, that you remember too His humanity. Remember that He not only came to die for your sins, but He came to understand everything you’re going through. Remember that He suffered even just having to leave Heaven and live on our imperfect Earth with imperfect people. Remember that He too felt the weight of human weakness, and yet still never lost focus on His purpose. Remember that suffering brings empathy, and empathy love.
Remember the moments where He wanted to give up, where His human weakness seemed impossible to overcome, and yet He pushed through His pain. And overcame. Because He LOVES You.
Happy Easter, my friends. Let us strive to continue His resurrected life on Earth through our own lives, bearing in the struggles of our brothers and sisters around us, and giving God glory for the amazing stories He tells through our weaknesses.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15
