In the last 3 weeks, G42 Leadership Academy has opened my eyes to a vast amount of teachings that have challenged my current belief systems. I’ve really had to wrestle with scripture and listen to what Holy Spirit has to say. The main ideal I’ve struggled with (which is the main philosophy of this school) is “I am born to be loved.”
What? I understand that I’m loved, yeah. God is love right? Cool, Jesus loves me, this I know, I get that. Now let’s move on to theology and dig into the really good stuff that will change my life. If he is love, and I’ve experienced him once that’s all I need, right? I thought I had experienced all I needed to experience.
I couldn’t have been farther from reality.
I was always in constant turmoil in my spirit because I read in scripture that God’s love is faithful, it’s kind, it endures forever, love your neighbor as yourself and all that. It even has the audacity to tell me I need to love my enemies? How is that even possible when I don’t even love a lot of people who are nice to me?
I’m obviously missing the point here.
I’ve realized due to different broken relationships in my life, there was always an underlying voice in the back of my head saying, “You are not worthy of love.” Therefore, I closed my heart off to receiving love, and in turn, giving it.
It’s easier because that way I can’t get hurt.
One of the papers we had to fill out for class asked the basic question, “Have you experienced God’s love?” or something to that effect. My answer was formed through struggling to understand what had been taught over the last 2 and a half weeks. In fleeting, grasping faith I responded, “Yes, but in order to love people the way I know I need to love them I need to experience God’s love on a deeper level. More please…”
Later that day at the beginning of class, (once again) I got what I asked for.
One of the words on the audio we were listening to said, “Open your heart to receive his love… He loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because be loves you” etc… About the 9th time it was said, it began to sink in.
In that intimate moment I had a vision through the eyes of the roman soldier who put Jesus on the cross. He was looking down at Jesus, drinking in the exquisiteness of the pain he had caused, body torn by the whips, the elegance of the crown of thorns, blood dripping into his eyes and down his face.
Jesus gazed into the eyes of the Roman soldier, and with as much of a smile as he could muster from his swollen mouth, professed tenderly,
“I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this so that you would know my Father’s love”
The soldier didn’t care. He laughed and spit into our Lord’s blood stained, swollen eyes, wrenched his arm out and drove the nail through his wrist, howling in joy at the torture he was inflicting.
I (once again) found myself on the floor, in snot and tears being overcome by unrestrained love. It was a deeper level than I had ever understood. It was as if I was standing under a huge waterfall of love. Everything else was blocked out- all sound, all thoughts, all I could think and feel was the deluge of glorious love I was being lavished in.
I realized that God loved me completely when I hated myself.
He loved me intensely when I despised his children.
He even loved me extravagantly when I hated him.
Jesus said the whole law and prophets boils down to “Love God, love people.” I’m fine loving God, but it takes a supernatural understanding of love and grace to love all people, especially people I don’t even like.
If I don’t first have an understanding of God’s love for me, I will never be able to love him back, or have the ability to love people in the extravagant manner in which I have been called.
I used to think it was kind of silly to ask God to show me more of his love. However, after this experience, I’ve realized the meaning of life is to understand more and more of his love every day, until I am willing to die for my enemies.
That’s a tall order, but no one ever said this thing was going to be easy. So, until then, I will continue asking God to show me a fresh level of his love every day.
There is nothing higher than God’s love.
There is no revelation greater than the vastness of God’s love.
There is nothing behind the curtain but a deeper understanding of the extravagance of God’s love.
Do you know how much you are loved?
Are you willing to reach out and experience the breadth if his love? To test the heights? To plumb the depths? It’s so worth it.
It’s my prayer today and every day forward that you would also come to the realization that you were born to be loved.
“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 13:34-35
Thank you for your continued support. Pray I continue to plumb the depths of his love. Pray I continue to test the heights, and the breadth of his love. Pray I am fully present in class and am able to digest and properly wrestle with his Word.
If you feel led to financially support me on my journey, I’m only $600 away from being fully funded. Go to generation42.org/donations-interns and find my name to donate.
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Love y’all.
