Yea, though I walk through this valley in the shadow of scores of dead women and men
Their blackened silhouettes a looming foreshadowing of my future if I continue down this road straight into the devils den
Blissfully ignoring the warnings because I’m enjoying toying with the jackals, entertaining my secret sin
So I press on, the sirens slowly seducing me into iron shackles, to fight an intoxicating battle I can only dream to win
As a youngster I came across the women’s underwear section of a department store catalog
My heart beat quickened, the tightness in my chest was gripping, for words I was at a loss
On that day began a parasitic snowball effect of a young boy’s curiosity
The next thing I knew I had become a statistic, another kid who was addicted to pornography
It’s been escalated in this modern era by rampant accessibility
A substance more addictive than heroine is right in your pocket and it’s absolutely free
Releasing a torrent of Oxytocin, a chemical meant to knit two people together on the deepest level
Binding your soul to pixels on a screen, stripping a sexual experience from any emotion but pleasure
It lights up your brain, like injected cocaine flooding the same reward systems
Dabbling with dopamine causing you to become a hopeless fiend, the scenes guaranteeing what you couldn’t imagine in your wildest dreams
And this desktop drug dealer got to me… When I was only 13
It turned out to be my worst nightmare wrapped up in a nice shapely package with life altering aftermath
These images replaying in my mind over and over, tormenting me with videos and photographs
By the time I was 15 it was obscene the amount of digital dope I’d seen on this computer screen
Creating soul ties with women I’d never meet
Unfulfilled fantasies had me mentally undressing women while they were innocently walking down the street
Suffice it to say, I was a puppet in the hands of some perverts in California
Their scenes had me cheating on my wife before I even knew her
This industry is a modern-day Goliath, a spiritually paralyzing pandemic,
If you’ve ever been enslaved to this monster you know how intense it gets
See, this is the longest running addiction I’ve ever experienced
Beating out Xanax, cocaine, ecstasy, weed and hallucinogens
Birthed by a craving for God’s greatest invention
It was perverted and misused when mankind mistook his mission
Be fruitful and multiply was taken out of context for our own recreation
We traded in God’s best blessing for a cheap imitation
It’s been said, “porn addiction is not even about porn, it’s about how you deal with your problems.”
So, after 10 years of slavery, In that statement, God began to deal with me
I was sickened by my actions but this addiction had a white knuckle grip on me
I had constructed a citadel of sin which was stronger than my desire for true intimacy
Plus I had no boundaries in place for when that fire started burning inside of me
In the midst of a moment of shame God said, “Son, what I have for you in marriage is so much richer, so much deeper than this superficial pleasure.
You’re chasing a corrupted counterfeit, what I have for you is so much better.”
I realized porn had become a stronghold in my life, my safe place
The idol I ran to when I wanted to go numb, when I grew tired of running this race
I placed my pain before the feet of prostitutes, a sad substitute for the King of Kings
Escaping shamefully into perverted pixels, instead of pursuing the prince of peace
See, that’s when my perspective changed, I began to understand the high is just not worth the shame
So church, it’s time to move this monster from the darkness into the light
It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I promise you, your freedom is worth the fight
I’m not gonna lie, I slip up every now and again, but I’m no longer in bondage to my unbridled passions
Because now that I’ve shone a spotlight on my sin, I have true brothers in Christ who keep me accountable to my actions
If anything pops up on my computer screen my pastor gets an email
It’s crucial for me so I can save my soul for that one special future female
My friends, your freedom is sweeter than protecting your “right to privacy”
and walking without this ball and chain outweighs the embarrassment of telling somebody
Believe it or not, you aren’t alone in your struggle
And I’’ll bet you a nickel there’s someone in your squad who’s willing to jump in the ring with you and show this thing some knuckles
Because your future spouse and kids, your ministry, and a porn addiction is too much to juggle
Shedding light on secret sin is not just a suggestion, it’s invaluable
So get stoked fam, deliverance is here, your future is bountiful
It’s so close you can almost taste it right? Your independence is Palpable
So my friend, I’ll leave you with this one question, who’s holding you accountable?
If this particular subject doesn’t apply to you I want you to ruminate on these questions. Do you have any strongholds in your life? Do you run to other idols to soothe the pain this life brings? Perhaps alcohol? Something a little harder? Perhaps eating too much? Too little? Driving fast? Success? Self harm? Pursuing money, fame, or perfection?
Our heavenly Father wants to take your pain. He wants to be your only coping mechanism. He doesn’t work in darkness so the first step is bringing that secret sin into the light. Are you willing to take the steps necessary to lay it at his feet every single day? Freedom doesn’t just come to us, we have to take it.
