Only God can turn something as disgusting as a cockroach into a gift.
It’s Wednesday midday and my parents and brother just left for my brother’s college orientation, so it’s just my puppy and me for the next few days!
As always, I have a lot on my agenda, but I decide that I can’t put up with my messy room anymore. I begin putting clean clothes away, throwing old papers away, dusting, and picking up fallen bedding off my floor. I walk around my bed to find a GIANT, upsidedown, nastyyyyyyy COOCKROAAAACHHHHH!!!!!! It appears to be dead, but that doesn’t matter! It is IN MY ROOM and NEAR MY BED! Not okay.
Now before I continue, you must know that I am not a girly girl who is afraid of mud, sticks, and bugs. I have more reasons to be afraid of cockroaches than most people: when I was in middle school, a cockroach crawled down my shirt and I couldn’t get it out, and to this day when I see one, I can feel its disgusting little legs creeping down my belly.
I call my brother asking him to ask his friend who lives down the street to come get rid of it for me. As he is telling me “no”, I overhear my mom say that if I can’t take care of a dead cockroach then there is no way I can live in India for a month… dang it… I guess can’t live in India for a month.
Instantly I realize that God is answering my prayers to prepare my heart, mind, body, soul, and spirit for this next year of radically different service abroad.
I believe that more often than not when we ask God for something (patience, faith, self-discipline, ect.), he gives us opportunities to practice it rather than simply giving it to us. This allows us to grow more. It was clear that God gifted me this cockroach to prepare me for uncomfortable (or simply unnatural to a middle-class American) conditions and situations that I will be living, sleeping, and eating in this year… thanks, God.
At this point, I know that this cockroach is meant to be removed by me, and that there is no way out except to get over my fear and remove it. UGH!
I’m starting to understand a little better why James tells us to, “consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” Trials are gifts – opportunities to grow and refine our faith and prepare us for kingdom work. They aren’t meant to discourage or destroy us, but to strengthen us and build us up.
I text several friends looking for advice or encouragement, cry a little, sigh-yell a bit, and peek back into my room at it. IT IS SO BIG AND SO GROSS I JUST CAN’T DO THIS!!!
Once while talking about my fear of cockroaches with my brother, he mentioned that my fear is irrational. Irrational? No sir, it is quite rational! Cockroaches eat dead skin cells, can live without their head, can go a month without food, can be frozen for an extended time period and still live on after thawing back out, and can live through 10x the nuclear radiation humans can. That is horrifying. He said no, it is irrational because I can kill it with one stomp and in turn, it can do nothing to hurt me.
Okay, maybe he has a point.
Through this whole situation, God brought to my attention that all fear is irrational when you are in relationship with Him, our Protector, Savior, and Almighty King. God gave me a reality check here. This probably dead cockroach vs. me and the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe… Hmmmm, I think my team should win…
After a little more pacing, a little more tears, and a few more sigh-yells, I man up and walk out to the garage to get the Raid. My dog walks out with me as I explain this unfortunate situation to her.
As I cross the garage door threshold, I feel God speak to my heart saying, “Hey! We got this!” He said it in such a way that makes me feel like he is pumped to take on this challenge with me. To him this isn’t an unfortunate event that I am stuck to handle on my own; it is an opportunity to conquer fears and for me to grow closer to him (difficult situations tend to do that to people that are in it together).
I walk back upstairs with a little more confidence than I walked down there with. Ya, I got this. God the ultimate exterminator is on MY side, ya nasty cockroach. As I enter my room, I glance at my desk and see a verse my sweet friend, Taylor Frost, mailed to me: “God will go before you and will be with you…” Deut. 31:8.
Side note: it is great to have scripture around for situations such as these.
Heck ya! This means that God has already gotten rid of this cockroach! Of course I can do it with him now! Whoo! Now I am slightly excited to do this! Not really. But kinda.
I maneuver around my room trying to get closer to it without actually getting closer to it (needless to say, it didn’t work), then I hop on my bed, being grossed out to even share the same surface as it. I glance over the edge of my bed and spray like my life depends on it. If it wasn’t dead already, it is noooow. [Shoutout to Raid for killing on contact]
Okay, so it’s for sure dead. Now I have to dispose of it. After surveying my many options for removing it, I decide vacuuming it with the shop-vac is the best option because a) I can stay far away from it [Shoutout to shop-vacs for coming to the rescue with such a long extender] b) I don’t have to feel it through anything and c) I don’t have to worry about it crawling back up the toilet if I were to flush it.
I begin vacuuming my whole floor “practicing” for the real thing. After much internal debate and convincing, I finally hop back on my bed for the safest angle of sucking up the nasty corpse. And I did it! I sucked it right up without even having to look at it. And just like that it was gone! I celebrated, throwing up some, “heck ya praise God hallelujahs!”
I cleared everything from my floor and bed and washed it all, finally able to finish cleaning my room and move on with the seventeen other items on my to do list for that day.
I think that God often times does this. He interrupts our plans because he has something more important for us to learn or do. We can get paralyzed by it, frustrated and angry, or we can roll with it, leaning on him and his promises.
Whether it’s a cockroach or cancer, God uses trials to prepare his people for his kingdom work and to increase our dependence on him.
Whether the trial is directly from God, or simply allowed by him, he wants to give purpose to our pain. Trust him to do that.
What trial, pain, or hardship are you walking through right now?
What lies do you believe that are opening the door for fear in your life?
What promises has God given you, his beloved child, to cling to in this time?
Here are a few he has given me:
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.’”
John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Romans 8:31-37 “What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?… Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?… No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
God is good. He is alive. He is working!
45 more days until Training Camp! I would love continued prayers as August 10th approaches!
