God works in mysterious ways – a phrase I grew up hearing over and over again in the early days of my walk with God. Like most things we humans say repeatedly, over and over again, it eventually became an everyday statement that simply came out with no thought or even recognition as to what it meant. I’ve been contemplating this phrase over the last few days, though – trying to make sense of what it truly means, its biblical soundness, and how it relates to my current situation. I’ve learned over the years that things never work out according to plan, at least not for me, so I’ve spent the majority of my life never planning anything. Never having an agenda. Just going with the flow and following it wherever The Lord takes me. It’s funny – I’ve been trying so desperately to plan out how this trip is going to work in order to be responsible; to be what we call an adult, yet once again I’m shown that nothing works according to plan for me.
Most of you do not know this because I’ve intentionally kept certain things under wraps – available only to a small group – but I had a financial deadline for my trip this past Friday, the 22nd and I was not able to meet it. What does this mean? Well, quite a bit with multiple possibilities, actually. I’ll get into that in just a bit. After speaking with my mobilizer – the recruiter for the trip – an understanding was made that this goal will definitely have to be made, but we agreed that I could be given a deadline extension of another week in order to pray and seek God’s guidance on what to do. Several options were made available to me:
• To make-up the additional finances over the following week and continue forward on this trip
• To transfer the funds to another trip departing in January (there are 6 different routes available right now)
• To not move forward and lose all of the financing that has already been provided because tax-deductible monies cannot be returned. (It would go into a general fund that Adventures In Missions uses to fund their mission).
Naturally, if I didn’t get the finances, the second and third options would the only ones available to me, and as I’ve already made publicly known, I have no intention to fundraise for this trip. After speaking with a few of my leaders, close friends and family in an attempt to gain advice and wisdom on how to move forward, we all agreed that I should simply wait and see what God does. I’ve reached a place where I’m at peace no matter what happens.
Here begins the mysterious part. Over the last few months I’ve been feeling a slight tug toward another trip that will be leaving in January. If you know me, you know I enjoy challenges, I like to get dirty, and I’m a bit of a scatter-brained fruit loop who finds it easy to jump from new thing to new thing almost as often as the 90s kids said “like” in a sentence. Because I know myself in this way, I chose not to jump when this tugging began. An odd thing for me to do, truly. Clearly, I’m at least learning to wait and be patient.
A little over a month after all of this began, I was working at one of my part time jobs (a Christian bookstore in the mall) when a lady came in to look at some Bibles. We were talking about the different translations, the differences in the study materials, etc. when her friend started to talk about this goal she wants to achieve within the next 2 years – to take on the Camina de Santiago in Spain. Admittedly, I had never heard of this, so I asked for more information about what it is. I learned that it is a pilgrimage walk across Spain, believed to be the same path the apostle James took during his missionary travels. I began to grow an extreme interest in it as we talked deeper, even thinking this sounded like something I may want to consider doing at some point in my life, and decided I would do some additional research later on when I would be home. But… I forgot. Flash forward 2 days. I’m at home checking out some information on this route in January that has attracted my attention. Before we move further into this part of the story, let me explain a little background information about this particular trip that I’m talking about. The route that has garnered my attention is… well… let’s just say it’s a bit different from the others. For example, many of the countries that this route will be traveling to are closed to the Gospel and considered very dangerous and high risk. The age limit for acceptance is raised to help ensure maturity in the participants. There is, understandably so, a much more extensive application process that has to be passed in order to be accepted. In fact, the organization that runs The World Race prefers that the participants be individuals who have worked with them in the past, so the fact alone that I have not will make my ability to be accepted a little more difficult, though not impossible.
While researching the trip I decide to look into past and present participants of this particular route so that I might gain some wisdom and insight about what to expect. What I found added a ton of additional interest. I was reading a blog post by someone who is part of the current squad out on the field for this particular route, and it was mentioned that part of their training was – get this – taking the pilgrimage Camina de Santiago in Spain. Interesting.
Could it simply be a coincidence that someone happened to mention this pilgrimage to me just 2 days before my discovering this was part of the training? Certainly. But there are several more things to add to the mysterious here – too numerous to mention in a small blog. I’ll add this, though. Since I am not fundraising, I know and have known that the majority of my funding would likely have to be self-provided. No worries. After strategic planning (which I have to add is NOT my strong suit, so the sole fact that I tried to plan was a miracle in and of itself), I had things set so that I would literally be able to pay for the entire trip if need-be, plus have some additional funds left over to pay off a few straggling bills and for things that may need to be handled at home while I’m away. Three real estate contracts, two litters of puppies (please talk to me personally before making judgements), 2 part-time jobs, and a few friends and strangers who have offered to, out of no obligation, bless me financially. Everything was set in a strategic manner to be able to provide what I needed at the set deadlines… plus some. Then, it all collapsed.
I lost 2 of the 3 real estate contracts in a matter of weeks, my first litter ended up being half the size that was expected, and the second litter that came 2.5 months later was born premature resulting in more than half of the puppies being stillborn – literally one of the worst days of my life. After all of this, I felt completely broken. I mean, it doesn’t make sense, right? My whole goal in this has been to serve God, so why would everything be falling apart? Miraculously, the 2 clients whose contracts fell apart decided they still want to work with me, but in doing so if we find something else that works for them my deadlines for this route would all be long past by the time a closing would take place. However, it would still work out for a January route. Also interesting.
Three days ago I woke up and opened by Bible app on my phone to read a bit in The Word. The scripture of the day popped up and I read, “But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Cor 2:9
I’m not someone who happens to open up a Bible, point to a scripture and BAM, God speaks to me right then and there. No. That’s not how things roll with me. But, I knew He was trying to tell me something through that one simple scripture of the day. I thought about the passage and what it was intended to mean in context, then it hit me – I’m not supposed to understand what’s happening here. Our human eyes can’t see it, our human ears can’t hear it, and our human souls can’t understand it – God has a plan that we as human beings can’t fathom, but The Spirit that dwells within us can and He leads our paths. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but something changed in that moment, and I felt at peace.
I’ve felt a deep connection to some of the members of the squad I’m currently a part of, which makes it all the more difficult to make the decision to change routes. Yet, I feel at peace with moving in that direction. I don’t understand why He would set me up with this group, allow me to get to know so many of them and connect with them only to never even meet them face-to-face. That’s the thing, though – I don’t understand His ways. Perhaps I was part of this initial squad for a reason – maybe something I’ve said or they have said during our extensive conversations over the last several months was an ordained moment. Goodness knows I never expected to care so much about people I’ve never met in real life. Then, again, I realized who am I to say we will never cross paths?
Perhaps I met Laura Lynn because one day we will meet on the other side of the world after God radically rocks her world during, FINALLY, her long-awaited journey. Perhaps I met Andrew, the former Airman, because one day I’ll be out in Texas in need of a host family and he and his lovely (future) wife will be the only ones available, or the other way around. Maybe I met sweet Kayla because I was able to help her see that even as age grows upon us (I’m the 2nd oldest person on the squad by 2 days, and one of only four in our 30s), God can still move us in radical ways and we need not be afraid. I don’t know. All I know is, “But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;” 1 Cor 1:27
For now – I’m taking another risk. I will be trying to join the 10/40 window route in January. I don’t know whether I will be accepted or not, and I’m okay with that. I’m letting His Spirit lead, and I’m simply trying to follow.
