Coming on the race I had so many assumptions of what my year would look like and the way that I would feel, here’s a few:
*I came on the race thinking as soon as I left I would instantly be a different person, a stronger Christian and my walk with Christ would be completely different!
*I assumed since I was no longer close to my past it would no longer hurt me or make me cry that some how the race would heal me!
*I thought I would some how have all the answers for everyone I encountered and that I would be wise and know so much more than I did!
*I looked at blogs and stories from other racers and what they were going through, accomplishing and taking part in and automatically assumed that would be what my race would look like!
*I assumed God would so easily reveal and lay out my future
BOY WAS I SO WRONG!
Seriously what was I thinking!?
Here’s what I have actually discovered:
Coming on the race will not make you a new person or make you a stronger Christian! I was so mad the first few months wondering why I wasn’t at the place in my walk that I wanted to be or at the spiritual level of some of my squad mates but was literally doing nothing about it and waiting for someone to take me to that level. But it is not the races job nor is it anyone else’s job to grow your relationship with the Lord! The only person responsible for that is myself! It is a choice I have to make every single day to read my bible and dig deeper into the Lord. You can’t become a new and perfect Christian overnight! It’s a process and something that you have to work at! I will never be perfect but God always waits with open arms to continue leading me and guiding me every step of the way!
The race does not erase your past, it’s still there! However it does create a community that will love you where you are at and continue to love you through it! But once again the race can’t fix me, that’s a choice I have to make! I have to choose to heal and move forward.
But my number one mistake was comparing my race to others! This race should be for me and me only! It’s a way to unfold my kingdom journey! I can’t live someone else’s race when I am meeting completely different people, visiting different places and working different ministries. The race was not designed to replicate others trips but to create a place for us to grow and discover the desires of our hearts while praying into Gods plan for our lives and creating our own story.
Last but not least just because you are on this 11 month journey doesn’t mean God is going to give you all of the answers, because trust me he isn’t. I’m just like everyone else, I want to know where I will be and what I will do after the race, I want to know what my future husband will be like and how many kids are in my future, but some things don’t need to be understood right now. I have had to learn I am on this journey for a reason and to really be present in the here and now and when the time is right God will show me the rest of my story but for now enjoying every second of the time I have, just being me and giving this journey my all.
Putting this journey on a pedestal has only let me down! The race has no powers, it is simply a journey where I have the opportunity to make a choice! I can float through this trip, share the gospel and see the world or I can buy in making the choice to wake up everyday and make this day better than the day before, giving this kingdom journey my all and pressing into everything the Lord has for me.
