Nine days. That’s less than all the fingers on my hands. Nine days.
Saying goodbye is hard. No one told me it would be easy, but naturally I expected it to be somewhat easy. I imagined the time of my life where I would be saying farewell to my family and friends I would have thoughts such as “Finally! I’m out of the house, I can make my own rules!” However, when it has come down to the last month and the last couple days I have seeing my loved ones for a while, I have found it to be much harder than I let myself comprehend. Every goodbye means the closer I am to leaving. I know that, they know that. During this time I have realized to not take advantage.
My six year old brother came up to me a couple days ago and sat in my lap. He put his arms around me then said, “Carly, I know you won’t be here for my seventh birthday but I will call you from mom and dad’s phone so that I can tell you about all the presents I got but also to tell you I love you so you won’t forget.”
My heart sunk. This six year old has been my best friend, my sidekick since I was twelve years old. We have a relationship that can never be harmed. I began thinking about all the things I would miss out on, the events I wouldn’t attend, and the pictures I wouldn’t be in.
Despite my initial reaction, I heard a voice that brought immediate peace over me and my decision to dedicate the next year of my life to missions.
“You are not missing out. Your family will still be here when you arrive back in the States. Meanwhile, you will be out, doing your thing, sharing the gospel. You may feel confused now, but trust that when your feet land in Guatemala, Lesotho, and Cambodia, that there will be no confusion. There will be peace, the peace of God.”
Yes, I get sad when I’m out at the beach with my parents, seeing a musical with my dad and then jamming out to show tunes on the way home, having my little brother sleep next to me, talking life with my other brothers, having road trips with my mom.
These feelings that I have are normal. It would be weird for me if I didn’t get at least a little bit upset knowing I’d be away from this life for months.
But yet, I know where I am called, and I know that my life can not be lived in this comfort zone bubble I have going on.
I was made to explore, to share, to learn.
So when people come up and ask me about my trip, and they ask me how I’m going to leave my family, I’ll look at them, and with all honesty I will say
“I’m okay with it. I’m doing what I was made to do.”
Nine days. My adventure starts in nine days.
I couldn’t be any more excited.
