You know you are in Africa when these things happen (and they actually did):
Thinking you’re just attending church as a guest but you are called to sing, preach, and give a testimony during the 3 hour service.
If an event starts at 0900 and your show up at 0959, you’re still on time since you’re there within the 9 o’clock hour.
“Expect the unexpected.”
Sadza for EVERY MEAL (or ugali, or nshima, or whatever it’s called depending on the country)
Alone time is sitting in a corner surrounded by squad mates and children with your headphones in while trying to read your bible.
Pooping in privacy means maybe only a few kids are watching.
Red dirt everywhere. Or red mud during the rainy season.
When you can’t poop or flush TP in a real toilet because it WILL clog.
Constant electricity outages that last for weeks.
Air conditioning is opening every window and door in the hopes that a breeze will come to cool off the 105* temps.
Making the Stride of Pride (or Walk of Shame) to the toilet in groups in the dark so if someone is bitten by a snake or eaten by a hyena, the others can call for help.
Watching for deadly animals while you walk to poop.
When you have to play limbo with the thorns on the trees when walking to ministry.
Bats in the squatty
When you’re mobbed by a baboon trying to steal your lunch.
Wearing skirts all. The. Time.
When you walk an hour to get to ministry.
Hitchhiking to get to wifi that’s is 15 mins away and only barely supports 3 ppl.
When coffee comes in normal sizes #byeasia
When your clothes are judged to be too dirty by young children (#racelife)
When you can’t tell if you’re tan or just dirty.
When your clothes are all red from the dirt
When there’s no running water/you have to pump water and carry it back on your head.
Explosive diarrhea with a 2 minute walk to the toilet
Being asked for the shirt off your back.
When you have to kill the animal before you eat it and harvest the vegetables before you can cook.
When worship at church lasts 2 hours
Peanuts. All. The. Time.
When you have to click to pronounce names correctly.
When kids wipe their poop on a rock or pee in the sand and then play in it.
When everyone can sing in perfect harmony.
When you have to perform a traditional African dance in front of a bunch of Africans at a wedding.
When you have to break into your own house because someone took the keys into town and there’s no way to get them for hours.
When you have to pile 20 people into a 10 person van
When you’re the only white people at a wedding.
When you get in a strangers car that may or may not be a taxi, still not sure
Spiders, scorpions, snakes, oh my!
Cooking over an open fire
When you get to see the Milky Way because there’s no lights to interfere.
When your car breaks down in the middle of the night on the way to ministry and you have to walk and carry the trailer the rest of the way.
When traveling is only supposed to take 5 hours but 13 hours later…
When you pull out your phone and children yell “shoot”
Dust storms.
“Mulungu”
Trash everywhere
When you see giraffes on the side of the road.
Cooking by headlamp.
Roosters crowing at 2 am.
Children everywhere.
Sugarcane.
Everything takes twice as long as it should.
When pulling over on the side of the road to preach to random strangers is normal.
When bathrooms on travel day are the nearest bush.
When women can carry children and buckets at the same time.
When strollers aren’t a thing, strap the child on your back
When your name is officially “hey” or “mzungu”
Maybe in your travels to Africa these things won’t happen to you, but can you really say you’ve been to Africa then?
