Stationary•adj• not moving : staying in one place or position : not changing
There are some seasons of life that call for that. Moments, weeks, months of just being. Some intentional, times of rest. Some because of plans gone array. Some because choices leave us stranded there. Sometimes, it’s a lot of all of those.
While some may argue that seasons in the valley being stationary is “a good place to be” because sometimes rest is just what you needed, in the many times I’ve sat in the valley, the valley is never where my eyes rest. They look at the mountain I failed in attempt to climb. My body tries to gain the strength to try to climb again but can’t. My eyes search for the ones I yearn to climb, the opportunities maybe I missed. They search for the places I haven’t been and they search for the places I don’t want to be placed.
I have spent a lot of time in the valley after leaving Teach For America. I have spent a good bit of time there in the past few months too. I spent of lot of time staring at the bottom of those mountains in defeat and frustration as some things just don’t go according as planned. As I collectively tried to piece my life back together, pouring my heart and spirit into climbing other mountains that were too steep for me to climb- I lost sight of myself and the Lord in the process. I began walking, alone, in a very dark desolate valley. I guess there is just something about being able to check something off a checklist. Whoop, did that! Done, finished that! Mission accomplished! But sometimes life just is not like that. Maybe you aren’t supposed to check it off. Maybe you aren’t supposed to save the day. Maybe you aren’t supposed to see a project through start to finish. Sometimes our “mission” is right here, right now, exactly where you’re placed in whatever capacity that looks like. That is a tough pill to swallow. Sometimes you want to be the harvester but you are the person pulling the weeds. Sometimes in life, we miss out on things. There are things and places we are not meant to walk through and see. This isn’t the time to have the case of the FOMO (fear of missing out).
I would be the first to admit that there is a lot of frustration with being still. For me, I find that there are a lot of looming, dark clouds that obscure the sights before and around me. In the valley, I find a lot of reasons to pick myself apart until I’m raw and fairly broken. There’s a sense of loss in the valley as I often forget my purpose in the “still”. It’s pretty awful spending four years studying and spending hundreds of hours in classrooms to not even see your first solo year of teaching through because it wasn’t right with your heart. It stinks, in your quest for what was “right”, to find yourself in a valley for a while, with a whole lot of questions and a whole lot of doubt. It’s pretty awful being in a valley as you wait for the moment of “go” that you yearn for. There feels to be little to no hope as you isolate yourself in a place where sinking deep in feelings leads you to lose perspective because of your circumstances. But in reality, your circumstances shouldn’t change your perspective of who you are and what your purpose is. That’s not what the valley is there for.
It is quiet in the valley. It is sometimes dark. It is sometimes really hard. But it does not have to be lonely. The valley was never meant to segregate beautiful seasons from hard seasons. The valley was never meant to discourage or dishearten. The Lord is with you on the mountaintop and in the trenches of the climb but He is right there with you in the valley too. Too often we sing prayers from the mountain as we climb in struggle or praises as we reach new heights but are silent in the valley.
There is beauty there too, do you see it? Do you see that God is birthing new life there or are you stuck staring at the would haves and could haves? Do you feel God pursing your heart and calling you His or are you still lost in your mishaps and missteps? Are you resting in His goodness and faithfulness in a time of “still” or are you planning next steps and re-dos after your feelings of defeat?
Here is the thing about failure, it’s not real. Here is the thing about defeat, that’s a lie too. For three days, darkness loomed in the world. For three days, there was no hope. But the third day came. When these seasons in the valley feel dark and ominous, remember that on the third day- the tomb was empty. On the third day, light defeated the darkness. When you’re in the valley, remember light is coming. Knee deep, in the thickest of doubt and defeat, light is coming. Remember that the third day is right around the corner. Remember that God is a good, good father and this season is exactly what you need, even if you don’t see it just yet. Light is coming. Any second now, it’s going to peak over the mountains and shine beautifully into the valley.
Be still.
Don’t miss it.
He is faithful.
Do you see it?
