“Also, just felt like the Lord wanted to remind you to joyfully believe and know you can have confidence in the fact that He is faithful and true… And that includes in His provision!
Praising and thanking God for all He is doing in and through you!”
These words were left by a beloved friend and missionary in Panama, who I haven’t spoken to in years, alongside a generous donation towards my trip.
This note had me silently weeping at my desk. Not because it was generous, though it so was! Not because her thoughtfulness touched me, though it truly truly did!!!
It was because I have been struggling so much to remember His faithfulness and provision in this season of fundraising for weeks, and maybe months.
As deadlines approach for this trip and money doesn’t increase, I’ve started measuring my worth in the amount of donations I’ve received. I began measuring love in the amount of donors. Moments of insecurity and self doubt close in on the beautiful vision of the trip of a lifetime Jesus is preparing for me to embark on all for the purpose of sharing love with the world, and I allow myself to believe that it’s out of my reach and out of my capabilities. Truly, it hasn’t been a pretty couple of months.
This note came at a time where I couldn’t even pray about fundraising because I felt like if I prayed for provision, it somehow meant that I didn’t believe the Lord would provide. By praying for faithfulness through the generosity of others, I somehow convinced myself that it meant I no longer believed I would see this to an end. I somehow l allowed myself to believe that acknowledging I wasn’t enough would mean that I wouldn’t be enough.
But when I’m not enough, and I fall short, the Lord reminds me of his sovereignty and love for me through the works of His children. Christina gave me a message from Jesus that I wasn’t allowing myself to hear.
He. Is. Faithful.
Not sometimes, all the time. Not in some things, in ALL things. That includes His provision.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving- I’m clinging to that Faithfulness as an anchor, knowing that in all things- He is working together for my good! In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’m thanking the Lord for what He has ALREADY done for my behalf and I am thanking the Lord in ADVANCE because by faith, I know He is good. By faith, I know the Lord will provide.
“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
Genesis28:15
