I can recall the first time I ever stood before a group of people and talked about something important, the fear and vulnerability of not being heard and accepted… I can recall every time that I’ve felt truly vulnerable since. Vulnerability is a truly awful feeling. I feel my heart beating in the pit of my stomach, I feel the unquenchable desire to pace a hole in the floor, and I want to twirl my hair around my finger until it falls off.
Any time I’ve talked about a missions trip, I’ve felt vulnerable. It’s a delicate subject, telling someone that you’re going somewhere other than here to love others and help them. Many times, the inevitable questions of, “Why?” and “How will you afford it?” rears its horns at my sensitive heart and I feel as though I’m trapped in a corner of feelings. It’s a valid question that I have asked myself, my Dad continues to ask me on the weekly basis, and about one in four people ask when the topic of foreign missions is brought to the table.
God continues to show His sovereignty in providing these conversations that push me and keep me yearning for more of His grace and guidance.
The truth is, I am vulnerable. I’m inadequate. I can’t solely provide for this missions trip. Not only do I have to be vulnerable to my own and others feelings, I have to ask others to SUPPORT it, to support me, to support the work for the greater of the Kingdom of Jesus.
Talk about VULNERABLE.
I’m not one to rely on others. I was the student who offered to write someone else’s section of the group project to ensure that it got done. I don’t like when people offer to pick me up from the ground, much preferring pushing myself up. I don’t like owing others money or things, so I would much rather go without than ask.
When I felt the Lord tell me to apply on the World Race, I looked at the price of this trip and said a firm, “No way.” That was when I heard something that changed my faith and continues to shape my heart, “You are not alone. You don’t work alone. Trust me.”
The church was never meant to have walls that keep people out. We, the body of the church, are meant to go. Like well a oiled machine, we are all serve a different function. We all have different gifts/talents/jobs that make it all work for the greater good of His Kingdom. One day, I will be able to use my gifts to bless another. One day, I will need someone with navigational skills, that I lack, to get me somewhere! It is vital for us to be vulnerable with one other because we do fall short. We can not do it all alone. We are just pieces of a much bigger picture, a much bigger mission.
Through my call to missions, I’m learning the importance and necessity of community- because I’m just a piece. I’ve learned that while I may be the person packing a backpack and traveling the world for a year, every person who spends time in prayer or donates time/financial support toward my mission trip is a missionary right alongside me. I will face many challenges on the World Race, and I will need a band of support behind me in this beautiful and challenging season. As a member of the body of Christ, literally and figuratively, I can not function without help.
Humbling myself, realizing I am indeed inadequate to get there alone, I ask that you continue to pray with me as I journey on to this next season of loving God’s children! I pray that you pray alongside with me for the funds to continue to pour in. I pray that you rejoice with me in those who have already poured out gifts (both spiritual and financial) in my journey.
I’m just a piece. I’m not alone. I’m vulnerable. But surely the Lord goes before me.
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”-Genesis 28:15
Thanks for your continued support!
