It’s been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Not exactly what I would have asked for in leading this trip or how I would have planned my last month on the field with this team. But, I trust in a God who is wiser than me.
I have spent the last 2 weeks helping one of the women on my team get medical help for a very serious eye infection. It started with us going to local clinics and the hospital near our ministry, but has ended with us spending the last week in the hospital in Chiang Mai.
As the only leader on this team, I have had to stay with my teammate the whole time she has been in the hospital receiving care. That also means that I have left the rest of the team over 2 hours away to do ministry by themselves. It has been a strange, stretching, LONG week.
I care about the women on my team so much. I want to be there to help them, disciple them, simply have fun with them. This week has also included a group of Americans from Ohio coming to our ministry to help with a huge camp they put on every year for the kids in the area. This is by far the busiest ministry week of the entire trip for us. With all of this, I’ve found myself wishing I could be back at our ministry and not in the hospital.
I know those feelings are normal. No one wants to spend a week sleeping on a weird cot in a hospital when they aren’t the one receiving care. No one who is receiving care wants to stay that long. But God. God has been reminding me that when I said yes to leading this trip I didn’t say yes to having my own wants met. I am not in Southeast Asia to be a part of really cool experiences and do everything that I want to do. I am here to serve the women of my team.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t get to do anything cool or am always a martyr to my desires. It simply means that I need to check my ego; this trip is not about me. I am here to bring Kingdom. I am here to serve my team. I am here to lead, and that means stepping into the tasks asked of me with joy. God is really good at reminding me that there is no room for pride in leading.
I’ve had to put aside my pride and trust that God is able to take care of the rest of my team while I have been staying at the hospital. I’ve had to trust the power of God that is so evidently at work in each of them. I’ve had to lay down my pride in believing that I should be able to do what I want. If the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, who am I to think that it should be any different for me?
I think most people would say that they know it’s not about them, but it’s a lot harder when God challenges you to live that out. When God challenges you to put aside your own needs, desires, and wants to serve someone else. I can only imagine this is just a tiny bit of what parenting feels like, of what Jesus went through to save us.
So I will keep pushing into what it looks like to lead, to serve, and to love people well. To seek Jesus as my example of what it looks like to put aside my own wants and to bring Kingdom. So I will spend my days in a hospital room if it means I can know the heart of God more.
