I’ve never been a fan of running. I’ve always been an athlete but I’ve never really enjoyed the idea of running. It is actually really boring to me. I need something engaging; something hands on or my mind tends to wander and get distracted. I’m more focused on when I’m done or when I can take a break.
The Lord has been painting out this picture that life is much more like a circular track and less like a linear race. This month as the end of my time abroad begins to come nearer I found myself feeling a lot of anxiety about starting a new season. So much has happened in this past year and so much inside of me has changed, but as the idea of re-entering into America actually starts to become a reality, I find myself with a lot of fears.
-I am scared that who God has transformed Kirsten to be over this year — a more Christ-like version of myself — is going to get consumed by American culture. I’m afraid that everything which consumed me before I left is going to come back and do the same once again. While this marks the start of a new season, it also seems like a very familiar season because everything over the past year has quite literally seemed so “foreign.” As I’ve felt and fought these fears, I’ve caught myself frustrated with feeling so unsure of myself. It’s the same feeling I felt walking into this journey in January, which led me to start believing the lies the devil was feeding me that I haven’t changed at all over the past year, and that I’m just the same as I was when I started the Race. That I’m struggling with the same things that I was 10 months ago so that must mean that nothing has changed, or that I haven’t “conquered” or learned anything.
And just in these last 3 days of debrief the Lord has been reminding me of my “race” as a Christian. You know the one… about being a long distance runner. Except when the Lord speaks to me, oftentimes He speaks to me in analogies and pictures that apply specifically to my life.
So, when most people think of long distance runners, they think more of cross country runners who never see the same place twice. Every mile is a different piece of scenery. But, I grew up on a track as a short distance runner, watching the long distance track runners train on the track with me. I could barely enjoy doing a mile on the track (4 laps…HA) because I would get so sick of seeing the same scenery. The same trees, the same stands, the same curves, the same gum stains on the ground, etc. The Lord reminded me of these long distance runners running mile after mile, lap after lap, on the track; that is how our lives as Christ followers are.
Sometimes as we run our race, things that we encounter feel so similar. Some of the situations we walk through feel so familiar. Some of the struggles we encounter feel repetitive.
That’s because oftentimes they ARE.
If you’re running a race on a track many things change as far as the atmosphere around you. The people in the stands are different, the city may be different, the weather may be different BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S A TRACK. He really reminded me that it’s very hard for me to come to the “start/finish” line and it not mark the finish. When I come up to the “start line” in life I get frustrated that things feel similar. But as a long distance runner, it’s no longer about looking for the finish line, it’s about recognizing that the “start line” now symbolizes the progress line. You have to pass the “start line” multiple times first. As I come around to what feels familiar, I need to celebrate that I’m another lap into my race. I’m another layer deeper into the things the Lord has been teaching me in the first lap.
I’m another lap into the freedom that He offers when we choose to press in and endure the familiarity of situations.
It’s not about looking to celebrate and see the finish line; it’s about looking for the line that now symbolizes and signifies that the Lord isn’t finished with ME yet. He has more to offer. He has more discipline to show me, more to teach me, and way more love to engulf me in.
He reminded me that if I ever feel myself frustrated about feeling like I’m in familiar struggles and battles, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Another lap in.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3
