First off I am so sorry it’s been awhile since I have updated y’all on what’s been happening since my last blog. There has been quite a bit, but this blog isn’t really going to necessarily be about what Ministry has looked like the last twoish months. This is by no means an easy blog to write, but I really feel like God is asking me to share this, so here we go…
Let me first back it up to October 2015. My Grandparents were driving from Michigan to Arizona for the Winter but were stopping at our house for a couple of days to see my nephews (one had been born the previous Christmas and had captured their hearts), my mom was visiting me at School that weekend for Family Weekend but was going to be home just a few hours after they arrived. We weren’t worried about them, because they had the code to get in and knew to make themselves at home…
But they were less than half a mile from our house when my Grandpa had to pull into the grocery store parking lot because he was having a hard time breathing and pain in his chest. Thankfully there was a woman who saw him in trouble and called an Ambulance and made him go to the Hospital, because he was just going to go home and rest until he felt better. I am so beyond thankful to this woman, because it turned out that my Grandpa had a heart attack in that parking lot, and if he had just gone home to rest we could have lost him back then. We also found out that he had COPD, bad kidneys, fluid around his lungs, and his heart was only functioning at a fraction of what it should’ve been.
There were many times over the last few years when we really thought we were going to lose him because he was in and out of the Hospital multiple times and wasn’t doing good, but then he would rebound and do good for awhile.
Now I tried to prepare as much as I could knowing that it could be likely that my Grandpa would pass away while I was gone, but honestly how do you even prepare for something of that magnitude?
Now fast forward to Month 9 of The Race in Bauleni. Zambia…
At 8pm on September 19, 2018 (12pmish in The States) my Squad Mentor Stacy, called to tell me that my mom had called to say that my Grandpa had been taken to Hospice and that it would probably only be a day or two before he passed, and that they were really only doing what they could to make him comfortable – that phone call was one I had been dreadding for the previous 9 months, but I prayed that God would heal my Grandpa and that I would still get the chance to see him one more time… but that was not what God had in store.
I then got another phone call at about 4am on September 20, 2018 (8pm the previous night in The States) from Stacy saying that my mom had called her to say that my Grandpa had passed away, but that he was not alone when he passed away and that my Grandma and Aunt were by his side.
Losing my Grandpa is really the first big loss I can remember, so I not only was learning how to grieve, but I was doing it all while being 9,000 miles from home and my family who were also grieving. This was definitely not something I had envisioned being part of my Race, and is definitely one of the HARDEST things I have ever had to walk through.
I will say that I did NOT handle losing my Grandpa in the best way and am honestly still figuring out what grieving looks like. For the immediate days following this news I didn’t do hardly anything besides sleep, eat, and sleep some more – most of my days were spent sleeping and really trying to not deal with it because I didn’t want to process and believe it was real, because I knew as soon as I admitted that Grandpa was really gone I would have to process it and I was not ready for that.
Once I finally admitted that He was really gone and that I wasn’t going to get to see/hug/kiss/laugh with him one more time I went into what I will call isolation mode… I distanced myself from my team, The Lord, and Ministry because I was hurting and didn’t think that anyone else would understand if I randomly burst into tears in the middle of Evangelism, Team Time, or really anything. I stayed in isolation mode for way to long (about 2 months) and caused a lot of hurt to not only myself, but my team and others around me. I missed out on some great Ministry opportunities and probably some really great breakthrough with The Lord.
I am still trying to figure out exactly how to grieve this loss and what more I do need to grieve, but for now I am putting my focus and energy into the FINAL 18 DAYS of The Race so that I can give my all to our Ministry here in South Africa.
HOLY COW!! I can’t believe that The Race comes to a close in 16 days and that I will be back in America in 18 days! These last 11 months have been some of the best, worst, greatest, happiest, saddest months of my life, but I wouldn’t change a single second of it. I am so grateful for my teams, my Squad, and leadership for loving me through the good and bad times. I have made friendships that will last a lifetime and I am so beyond thankful for that.
I can’t wait to share with all of you what is coming next for me… but for now I am just asking for y’all to join me in prayer as I take this next step into what The Lord is calling me to!
<3 Kimberly
