I can’t believe that our time here in The Philippines and at KIM (Kids International Ministries) is coming to an end (how is month 2 already over?!?!) in just a few short days. On Thursday, my Squad and I will fly out to Thailand for Month Three – Abba’s Lil Nugs will be staying in Bangkok for the month.
Back at the beginning of this month at Debrief, our Squad Story Leader Kirsty gave us the challenge to share a page from our journals. At first I was like “Heck No I’m NOT doing that,” but here we are – seriously you’d think by now, I’d learn to just say yes the first time and not tell God no, because in the end I ALWAYS end up doing what he told me to do!
Yesterday I started reading the book “Spiritual Slavery to Sonship” by Jack Frost and it has already begun to wreck my world and show me things that are so deeply rooted in me that are not from The Father… Anyways here is my journal entry in all of its un-edited glory (the italicized is what God said to me).
Saturday 3/10/18
Good Morning Papa,
I am so sorry for the way I have been behaving towards and treating your daughters. I am sorry for not treating them with the dignity and respect they deserve. Papa, please forgive me and give me the strength and courage necessary to ask for their forgiveness. I have been living with an Orphan Spirit for far to long, and I desire to live fully as your beloved Daughter. Will you help me to begin unearthing the lies I so strongly cling to? Will you begin to help me understand my true identity as your Daughter? Will you help me to forgive? Papa, I’m just so sorry, please forgive me.
My Daughter,
I Love you so very much. Don’t you know that I forgave you long before you were even born? You were forgiven the day my son was crucified on the Cross. My Daughter, you need to learn how to forgive and love yourself before you can forgive and love others. Show me how to do this and I will! I love you beyond words my precious girl.
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Tonight my team and the other all girl’s team got together for a joint team time. We thought it would be a good thing if we got together as the only two all girls teams on our squad and just spent a night together. Alyssa and I had briefly discussed earlier in the day about what we could do, and she told me that when she Asked The Lord (ATL’d – it’s a World Race thing, but y’all should give it a try too!) what would be a good thing for us to do, she shared that God had given her the word Worship. So we brought the idea to our teams at Team Time to just spend some time in Worship to The Lord together, and before we began Worship, Candace, had the idea to go around and share what God has been doing in us since the start of The Race. The following is an edited version of what I wrote in my journal during our Team Time.
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I shared with the girls that I thought that I had grown in the area of Vulnerability, because in the past I would try and work through things on my own and then when I had things in a nice, neat, and pretty package is when I would present it to whoever and share what I had walked through. But since starting The Race, I feel like I have been better about sharing sooner (not always in the moment) what I am struggling with, instead of trying to have it wrapped up in a nice, neat, and pretty package.
During the Worship time I felt God telling me that I need to share with the girls what I am currently working through, and right before I was going to share, Megan (one of our AMAZING Squad Leaders) came up to me and said that she had asked The Lord for a word for me and he word he gave her was CHOSEN – I am not a leftover and I am a first choice in the eyes of The Lord.
I then went on to share with the girls that am currently walking through the feelings of un-belonging. I still don’t feel like I fit on this squad and the enemy really dug deep on that one this past Friday… when we were getting our Ministry assignments for Saturday, I was again assigned to a different team (each Saturday we went out in teams to find churches that KIM could partner with to establish a feeding program) and the enemy used that to tell me that I don’t fit and don’t belong (everyone else had at least gotten to go out with the same people each week, even if it wasn’t to the same area).
After I shared that, Caley came up to me and shared with me that God had given her a picture of a puzzle with a missing piece, and that the puzzle was our squad and that the missing piece was me – I fit, belong, and complete this squad.
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FUNDRAISING UPDATE!!!!
I am $4,853 away from being Fully Funded
