This past year of my life has looked a lot different than I had planned on it looking.
One-Year Ago
April 7
- I found out that I wasn’t going to be allowed to continue Student Teaching
- I found out that I wasn’t going to be able to graduate
- I had to watch (through pictures) some of my best friends graduate and go onto do what I had always dreamed of doing
- I was so excited to meet the FamBam
- I was excited to spend the next year of my life as a missionary with The World Race
June 8
- I was on a flight to GA for my training camp
- I was going to meet the FamBam
- I was so excited for all that was about to happen
- I felt so much true love and encouragement from people I had just met
- I had no clue what was going to happen just 5 days later
June 13
- My heart was broken for the second time in just two short months
- I was told that I would no longer be launching for The World Race in August 2016
- I had to say goodbye to the amazing people who became my family in a matter of minutes
- I had to say goodbye to the amazing people I was going to travel the world with
- I was shown and felt so much love from my squad and trainers when I was saying goodbye to them
- I sat in the Atlanta airport crying and journaling because I wanted to be anywhere else but waiting for a flight back home
After all of this I was left with this intense feeling of heartbreak and hopelessness because literally everything I had worked towards had been taken away from me and I honestly felt like I wasn’t good enough anymore… so after getting sent home from Training Camp, I spent about two months crying my eyes out everyday because I wanted to be anywhere else but at home. Once I realized that no amount of crying would change my situation, I decided I should try and do something productive with my time, and it just so happened that a mom I know was needing some help with her little boy a few days a week so I helped her out for a few weeks before deciding I was ready for something more. After looking on the internet for daycares that were close by I found one that was a Christian daycare (Jacob Academy) and knew that this was the place I was supposed to work at so I put my application in and waited to hear back, and I herd back from the owner a few days later and had an interview set up for the following week, and was hired a day after my interview and started the day after that.
During all of this transition in my life I knew I was going to need to find a church home to love and support me through all that I was dealing with and processing through, so I went to the church that my old pastor started and loved it and knew that they would love and support me through everything (because that had already done that for me in the past) but It was a long drive every Sunday, so I knew I needed to find something closer to home… that’s where Lighthouse comes in. On my way home from church every Sunday I would drive by my High School and see these signs for Lighthouse Church and kept saying to myself week after week “I should check these guys out” so one Sunday I finally did, and they were in the last week of their current series and were about to start a new series called “Messy Grace – It’s ok to not be ok” – this is when I knew that this was the church that I was supposed to be at. They have loved and supported me in ways that I’ve never experienced. They are a family and accepted me into their family from day one and I am forever grateful for them and all they have done for me.
So looking back on this past while yes there was an immense amount of heartbreak and feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, uncertainty, and many many more, I have come to see the blessings of not being able to launch with my original squad
-My job at Jacob Academy
-My AMAZING church and family at Lighthouse (side note – we just moved into our new building and it is so nice to have a building to call ours and not have to set up and tear down every week)
My original squad – The FamBam – will always have a special place in my heart because they were there to love and support me (even across the world) as I processed through all that had happened in the span of two months.
Romans 5:3-5 “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
