“Why are you still single? Do you not want to be married?” Six years later, the words I was asked by the parent of a dear friend still echo in my mind.
For many singles, the answer to that question isn’t simple.
No, if I had it my way, I wouldn’t still be single.
Many times, I’ve wondered if the answer pointed back to something broken in myself. Maybe I wasn’t content enough in my singleness, maybe I wasn’t “spiritual” enough or hadn’t gotten close enough to God. But now I know the Lord doesn’t withhold blessings because of our level of contentment or because of our spiritual maturity.
The answer is this: I am single because it is God’s best for my life right now. And in the words of Paul, it *is a gift.
And it truly is, no matter how many times I’ve wished I could return it to the store as easily as an unwanted Christmas present.
In my adult life, I’ve lived in five states and twelve countries. I’ve spent summers hiking in Montana and surfing in San Diego. I’ve worn business suits working for US Congress and on different tv stations across the US. I’ve hiked with lions in Zimbabwe and stood at the top of Victoria Falls. I’ve flown over Mount Kilimanjaro and shared the gospel with rock climbers in Malaysia- and surfers in El Salvador. I’ve seen God perform miracles in front of Muslims, sat on the streets with homeless men and prayed with gangsters. The tapestry of my life is woven with so many colors I’m overwhelmed looking at it. I get dizzy trying to keep up with the journey the Lord has taken me on. Following the Holy Spirit is as wild as chasing the wind. Even now, as I write this blog from a hammock strung between two pine trees in Madagascar, I send my praises to the Master Storyteller, the Supreme Artist, the Lover of my Soul. Every promise He’s made to me has been fulfilled. Exactly one year ago the Lord told me I would be back in Madagascar to work with street children and my heart swelled the other day as I held a tiny unwashed hand in mine. My life is so full of love… the Lord has filled me to the brim with His love, to the point where I can’t help but pour it on those around me. And I’m so grateful I have the freedom to pursue Him with my full heart.
I don’t say all this to brag. I say it to encourage other singles that there are whimsical choices you can make with your life when you are the only one calling the shots. Not to say you can’t have adventures as a married couple or as a parent- you absolutely can. The planning is just much more complicated and strategic. But life doesn’t start when you get married. Don’t wait to live your adventure or your life because you are single.
However – these adventures are just by-products of the real gift of singleness, which is being able to be completely pursued and satisfied by the creator of the Universe. These days, I’m finding more and more contentment, more rest for my soul and more trust that the Lord has my back. After all, there’s no way I could have come up with this kind of life all on my own.
Walking through this season of singleness, I’ve learned to rely completely on God. I’ve learned that my self-worth and identity are God-given and don’t change with the fickle opinions around me. That human acceptance doesn’t matter on the grand scale or change who God made me to be. I’ve learned how crazy and amazing God loves us and felt it deep down in my soul. I’ve learned that it’s okay to just be – that sometimes God just wants to hang out with us and love us. Sometimes it’s not about an agenda or a to-do list. I’ve learned to rest in His presence. And that even if I stay single for the rest of my life, He is still good.
If you’re currently single, don’t forget that the only perfect person who ever lived – Jesus – was single his whole life. So was Paul, for that matter. So, you see, single adults can’t be ascribed as “less than.”
And as for me, I know when the Lord sends that special person my way- he won’t complete my life. He’ll be my partner in crime, a compliment to the adventures and Kingdom building the Lord is already doing in my life.
