Cambodia, Month 5. How did we get here already? There have been moments where time just seems to drag on forever but looking back now, it seems like I was just boarding the plane to South Africa. I realize that I have not been blogging as much and I want to apologize for not keeping y’all in the loop more. Last month I was in a closed country so I was not allowed to share about Jesus. My ministry last month was very involved. I lived at a center where children came every day to learn English and work on their homework. My team and I spent hours with these kiddos and though we were not allowed to tell them about Jesus, we still showed His love. I find it so hard to believe that governments will still throw people in jail for talking about Jesus. However, I should not be too surprised because Jesus states it John 15:18,
“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”
I will tell you, the enemy tried extremely hard to discourage me last month. He would whisper lies to me that I was not doing enough and he tried to prey on the fact that I could not talk about Jesus openly to make me feel small. It is crazy how he attacks in our moments of weakness and knows how to get to us. Jesus had the upper hand though, of course. He reminded me that sometimes my mere presence is enough. Although, these children do not understand my language and they may not even know about Jesus, they know that I am there. I am there to serve them, I am there to teach them, I am there because I was called, I am there because I want to be. It is so apparent in my interactions that they are grateful to have me there with them. It is in those moments that even though I can not tell them how much Jesus loves them, I can trust that He will grow the seed that I have planted just by being the hands and feet of the Father.
God is so good and faithful. He understands that this world hates Him and He knows that because of who we are in Christ, they will also hate us. Regardless, I know that He will bless those children and our time there was not in vain.
Along with ministering to the children everyday we were able to share daily with our hosts and their team. We helped teach them English so that they might be able to teach after we left. The amount of progress they made in just a month was incredible. It gets me so excited to hear Vi (one of our hosts, who spoke very minimal English) singing in English and knowing that she will be able to teach the kids long after we are gone is amazing.
We spent a lot of time with the Christian community in Vietnam. It’s interesting because you are allowed to be a Christian there you just are not allowed to share your faith with anyone. The Centre was across the street from our host’s church and his family who pastured the church. Vietnamese church services are very interesting and even though I could not understand a lick of what they were saying, I was glad to be there. Even more so, they were glad to have us. We got to spend quite a bit of time with the pastoral community teaching them English songs, fellowshipping, and I even preached the Gospel with them!
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My team and I were in the village, Dak Glei in Vietnam so we were miles away from any city lights. The village was very small and we definitely got the authentic cultural experience while living there. I was grateful to have lived a “simpler” life while we were there. Some of our teammates were in Ho Chi Minh City for the entire month and for our debrief all the teams joined together there for five days. The city was bustling all the time, motorcycles weaving in and out of traffic, crosswalks pretty much not existing, sellers at the market offering everything at a “good price for you, lady”, portable carts hauling dried squid around filling the streets with their scent, yuck! At night, however, it turned into something that made me quite uneasy and my spirit became so broken seeing how people truly lived.
I remember one night specifically, I had decided to venture out with my friend Kara to see what the nightlife truly looked like. I had no intention of throwing shots back or hitting the clubs but I was curious about how people spent their time when the sun went down. Let me tell y’all, the Lord rocked my world that night. I was so distraught witnessing everything happening around me. I did not know how to process it or put it into words. It’s crazy because if I were just visiting HCM three years ago as a tourist, I probably would have been partaking in a lot of the activities. To be surrounded by a world I was all too familiar with but to now be on the other side of it was riveting. I wanted to understand what the Lord was trying to teach me or show me. I kept asking Him why? How? How can people think this is okay? They are living for the moment. They are living with no regrets or remorse of their behavior and the effects it could have on the rest of their lives. They literally don’t care about anything but having a “fun time” and satisfying their flesh. I think the thing that broke me the most was that people wanted to do these things but they were at other people’s expense.
I watched man after man talking to this short, scantily dressed woman offering “massages”. What was happening there? The conversations looked intense. It was obvious to me that they weren’t just talking about foot rubs.
Sitting at a restaurant, I saw a man literally three times the age of a young woman sharing drinks and laughing, not being discrete at all in their body language. Why did she feel the need to entertain him? It could have been that two tables down where her “authority figures”. I watched as she reported to them sometime later. How could she live like that? Why does she feel like she has to?
Walking even five feet from our hostel, I see a mother with a baby. She appears to be selling books but as soon as I begin walking in her direction her demeanor changes, “marijuana, cocaine?” She asks me. I just reply by saying, “no, thankyou.” It’s just a matter of seconds until I get offered more drugs by another seller. Why do they pick me? What kind of world are they living in to be raising their child in these circumstances? Do they have a choice? Is there someone they are working for watching? Could they get out even if they wanted to?
I walked into a “club” for literally two seconds just because I was curious and I had to leave immediately. The spiritual heaviness within that building was unbearable. I knew the temporary satisfaction that came with that scene far too well and to think that people were trapped in that, I just wanted to help. Did they want my help? Are they happy with that lifestyle and everything it entails?
Why wasn’t I bold enough to share Jesus with all these people that clearly needed Him? Why couldn’t I be more like Paul, not caring if I was thrown in jail for talking about Jesus? What did the Lord want to show me that night? Did I miss it? Was I too caught up in my own thoughts to minister to the people? Was I even qualified? Would they listen?
While I did not find out the answers to all my questions, I did realize how sensitive I am to this world. This was the first time I would say the Lord wrecked my world when it came to witnessing the things of this world. I am still praying for what it is the Lord wants me take away from this because these feelings have not gone away. Even thinking back to my time in HMC I am a little queasy and my spirit is uneasy. I pray that the Lord allows me never to miss an opportunity to minister to those in the night again.
Vietnam, you truly opened my eyes.
Thank you.
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