I was very fortunate to be born as an American. I was even more fortunate to be born into a loving home where my parents are still married. However, I was most fortunate to be born into a home where both my parents loved Jesus and raised me up to as well. Growing up we went to church every Sunday and I was either homeschooled or attending private Christian schools. I knew who Jesus was and I knew He lived inside of me but I viewed Him more as an obligation because everyone around me told me I had to follow these rules and had to be this kind of Christian in order for people not to judge me. I went to schools where I constantly felt like people were projecting this idea of what a perfect Christian looked like and if I wasn’t lining up with that I was not good enough. So I started hanging out with the friends who were Christians like me but also didn’t seem to care what others thought and did their own thing. What I didn’t realize at that young age was how impressionable I truly was and how those friendships I made back then would affect the types of friendships I continued to make into adulthood.
Throughout my adolescence I dabbled in a lot of activities that I thought the Bible condemned. Activities that I thought were fun and activities that people who weren’t Christians would not judge me for. I started living a lifestyle that some might say was worldly but I knew that I could just ask Jesus to forgive me and everything would be kosher, right? This was a relentless cycle I convinced myself of for many years. I knew that at some point in my life I would start taking my relationship with the Lord seriously and that I could be that “good Christian” someday but I am here to say that I am not that “good Christian” even today. Here I am in Madagascar living as a missionary traveling the world all in the name of Jesus but I am still not that “good Christian” that I thought I’d someday be.
Now you may be confused because I am a Christian and I am doing the work of the Lord and spreading the good news so why am I saying I’m not a “good Christian”? I’ve realized that somewhere along my life I started feeling judged for my actions, I started to feel like I was not good enough and that my lifestyle was displeasing to God. Now looking back I can very much say that was the case however, I began to find my sense of approval in the church and in fellow believers. I did not go to the Bible to see what God had to say about my behavior because I thought I knew what He would say based on my interactions with those “good Christians.”
I am now 25 years old. I have lived a lot of life and seen a lot of joy, pain, fear, heartbreak, and love. The Lord has allowed me to walk some pretty heavy stuff that I would not wish upon anyone but He has walked with me hand in hand and even carried me through all of it. Looking back at childhood Julie I realize that I missed the biggest piece of the puzzle.
JESUS CHRIST IS NOT A RELIGION. JESUS CHRIST IS NOT THE CHURCH. JESUS CHRIST WON’T LET YOU DOWN. JESUS CHRIST IS NOT SITTING THERE WITH A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE WRONG READY TO CONDEMN AND JUDGE YOU.
JESUS CHRIST IS LOVE. HE IS THE VERY FABRIC OF THE WORD. HE IS PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. HE HAS GRACE FOR MISTAKES. HE LOVES US AT THIS MOMENT EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE IN OUR WALK AS MUCH AS HE WILL LOVE US TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW. HIS LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL AND UNRELLENTING.
I was basing who I thought Jesus was based off of people. I was basing him off the way people hurt me, judged me, and condemned me. The Bible says in John 8: 7, “ If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Jesus is referring to a woman who is caught in adultery. The Pharisees had caught her and wanted to stone her to death. When they brought her to Jesus He does not join in the condemnation. Rather, He extends grace and shows them that we are all sinners. Not a single one of them is able to cast a stone because we all make bad decisions and sin against the Lord. In verse 10, Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared, “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Jesus doesn’t tell her not to sin because He wants to ruin her fun or because He is trying to control her life. He tells her to leave that lifestyle because He genuinely cares about her and her well being. He knows the hurt and destruction that comes from a sinful lifestyle and He wants better for not only His followers but all people. I’m not sure where or when I began to base my idea of Jesus off the church but in doing so I was seriously let down. The church is the bride of Christ, yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that the church is made up of people who sin, just like you and I. I got on this high horse of thinking that everyone in the church was judging me for my actions. Well what was I doing to them? I was judging them and creating this idea that they wouldn’t accept me just as I was. Romans 3:23 states, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” I was wrong. I am a sinner. The church is FULL OF SINNERS. We need Jesus to help us with our sin.
I am not the “good Christian” that I knew about when I was younger. I had an odd view of what a Christian was. Even today however, I still don’t like that term because I feel like it does have a lot of negative correlations with it and people judge the church and Jesus based on their interactions with Christians who might think too highly of themselves. To me, I AM A FOLLOWER OF JESUS CHRIST WHO IS FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRT AND WORSHIPS GOD. THEY ARE ALL ONE, THEY ARE THE TRINITY. I AM FAR FROM PERFECT AND I SIN EVERYDAY. I WILL CONTINUE TO SIN EVEN THOUGH I HAVE JESUS LIVING INSIDE OF ME. I DO MY BEST TO NOT PASS JUDGEMENT ON PEOPLE AND TO EXTEND THE SAME GRACE TO OTHERS THAT CHRIST EXTENDS TO ME.
I DO NOT CONSIDER MY FAITH TO BE A RELIGIOIN. I CONSIDER MY FAITH TO BE A RELATIONSHIP. Just as couples, friends, or families must strive to better their relationship with one another everyday and get to know each other contintually that is how I view Jesus. He knows me. He pursues me. He romances me and will never stop. I had it all wrong before when I thought I would become a “good Christian” because the reality is that I am a sinner made perfect through Jesus. I will continue to sin because I live in a fallen and broken world where sin is all around me but I will also continue to strive to not repeat the same sins. I will pursue Jesus just as He pursues me. After 25 years He has never left me even when I was hurting Him through my actions. He loved me through it and had a grace that I hope to someday exemplify. I want to extend the same amount of love and grace to others that He extends to me on a daily basis.
So I stand here before asking and pleading you, if you have created some type of opinion or viewpoint about Christianaity and Jesus based on people in your life who profess to love Jesus but have hurt you, than please stop. Give Jesus a chance. He is the only perfect one. He will never hurt you. He will never judge you. He will never forsake you. His way is perfect and He is always there to show you what true love is. I’m sorry for the people that have put a bad taste in your mouth but I want you to know that Jesus loves them just as much as He loves you and me, just as much as He loves Hitler and Sadam Husane. We are all children of God and the sooner we can get over our differences and understand what love through Christ is the more beautiful our world will be.
