I want it. I think I need it. I take it. I make it happen. It has to happen this instant. Lightning internet; quick foods; faster laundry cycles; accelerated everything, almost to the point of instant. That word has created so many revelations in my life lately. I realize that I have been living in a world full of instant desires followed by instant fulfillment. I have never been the kind of girl to sit around and let others do the work or wait for things to happen but more and more lately I’m realizing that I can not continue to live in a world of instant gratification. What I’ve realized my spirit is lacking in that state is patience. I have been on the Race for 37 days now and I am realizing more and more about myself and the Father every day.
I’ve noticed my desire for instant results affecting a few things, first of all it’s affected my spirit. When I do not see things happening right away and become frustrated with the inability to move them along. It’s also affected my role as a team leader and the vision I have for our team. Lastly, it’s affected my walk and my ability to hear from the Father. I mentioned in my last blog that I was struggling with what to share with y’all and prayed for guidance from the Father. Again I had a few ideas for blogs and asked the Father to reveal which one He wanted me to share. So here it goes.
I am currently in Gaberone, Botswana. I have noticed a lot of things about Africa but something that is undeniable is the pace of life here. For someone like myself and like many others I was used to a go-go-go busy lifestyle where the faster you could make it happen the better. However, coming on the Race and starting in Africa I felt like I was slapped in the face with slow motion, on repeat. People just don’t move as quickly here and I’m noticing a more laid back attitude that sometimes makes me wonder if anyone is actually driving the train. However, it has caused me to slow down significantly and learn to check out my surroundings and kind of let go of this compulsion I have to constantly be doing and accomplishing things. The reality is that I have signed up for almost a year of the unknown and other cultures are a lot slower than American culture. I have chosen to embrace it and take the opportunity to really delve into what is going on around me rather than trying to force things to happen quicker or get instant results.
I am not sure how public I have made this information but back in October at training camp I was asked to be the leader of my team, Seven Strong. This role has presented many challenges and realizations about myself. The biggest one lately being that I want my team to be unified right now. Once I realized how impatient and pushy I was being I really had to take a step back and consider that there is a natural flow to community. While certain conversations can be had in order to promote growth there is no scientific equation to make us all mesh. The truth is that we are seven strangers that have been brought together to spend 11 months of life, doing extremely challenging things, and really the only thing we have in common is we love Jesus and have hearts to serve Him. We are all uncomfortable and we have to trudge through the trenches together and we might come out muddy but we’re going to be better for it. My team is unique. We have seven very strong personalities and a mix of males and females. Out of 40 people on our squad 5 are male and 3 of them are on our team. I can not expect us to share our hearts desires or force anyone to say anything they don’t want to. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow because I want to know what people are thinking and they don’t always want to share. However, at the end of the day this is a marathon, not a sprint and good things come in time. My team will look completely different in five months, heck it will look completely different in one! The mindset I believe the Lord wants me to have now is to embrace us where we are at right now as a team and trust that though I may not be able to see the work he is doing every day in our hearts He is still doing it.
Lastly, being on the Race I have been submerged into an environment of people who are in different places in their walks with the Lord. We have been instructed on ways to invite the Holy Spirit in and I’ve been baptized in the Holy Spirit but yet I still compare my walk with others. I still desire to have the Lord speak to me in the way that He speaks to my teammates. When these feelings start to arise I have to constantly remind myself that my walk is different than everyone else’s and again it’s not going to happen over night. For some reason coming onto this race I thought that I would leave my past habits in America. I thought that it was going to be this crazy experience where the Holy Spirit was just going to rain down on me and that I would be in tune with Him in an instant. Obviously, I was in for a rude awakening. In order for me to realize that though I have been spending time with the Father and sitting, waiting, and strongly anticipating Him to reveal things to me. If I’m being honest, more often than not I don’t hear from Him they way I want or the way I see Him speaking to others. Even though I haven’t been hearing from Him the way I want to He has reminded me that I am unique and our relationship is unique and my desire for instant gratification and results can not apply to my relationship with the Lord. He’s not a genie and I can’t expect Him to grant my wishes. I also can’t expect Him to speak to me if I’m not spending the time with Him. I mentioned earlier that I had prayed for the Lord to reveal to me what He wanted me to blog about. It was that same day that my team and I decided to start a study on Acts. Acts 1:7 states, “He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.” This verse really resonated with me and I felt like the Lord was telling me that it’s okay. I don’t need to rush or put our relationship on high speed because I am not going to get instant results. He wants me to trust Him and to trust His timing. This is a journey and a never ending one at that. As a Christ follower I should never be full enough. My cup should always desire more, my relationship with the Lord will never be at a stopping point. Like I mentioned before this a marathon not a sprint. The Lord didn’t create the world in one day even though he could have and this illustrates that great things take time. My relationship with the Lord is my own and He will speak to me in His time. Currently, I feel like the Lord is stretching me in this area of instant gratification and showing me that good things take time and that my walk with Him is beautiful and will only continue to become more beautiful if I pursue and engage Him.
Please be praying for me as I continue to fight the desire to put action to areas that might not need it and fight the desire for instant results. Sometimes there are circumstances that are beyond my control and that’s okay. Sometimes it doesn’t have to happen this instant. It truly is all in God’s timing.
