I like to “have it all together”. To appear before others without fault. I like to know what I am getting myself into, to feel in control. I am proud, arrogant, selfish, and independent. I am stubborn.
I don’t like to sacrifice anything unless I know I can get something out of it.
This process of trusting others, being humbled and overwhelmed time and time again is not natural for me. I don’t like it. But it seems to be the norm. It seems to be what God is calling me into. Why?
As I look back on the times God has been working in my life and developing me (more like breaking me), I notice a similar thread. I am also noticing this in others, in the lives of people who God uses to accomplish His purpose.
I like structure. I like to be a master of whatever I am doing. To not have to ask questions about my work, but to know how to solve the problem and be awesome at it. I like to be awesome. I like to “wow” people with my abilities and them say, “Wow, Josh you are amazing! Teach me how to be as amazing as you are!” Yes, I know… I am pretty arrogant. I know this. God is still working on me. And I pray He continues!
However, God seems to beckon me to places where I have no idea what I am doing. Places where I am not proficient, where I am not “awesome”. Places that seem to be the exact opposite of where I thrive. Places where I am falling down in anguish because of how painful this developing process feels. He is teaching me how to rely on Him and not on my own abilities. In the midst of those places are some of the most amazing moments of freedom and joy that I have ever experienced!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:5-8
Most of us know the first verse. Most have memorized it. It is a nice verse to read. But, this is not a nice, easy verse to live out. It is full of humility and brokenness. Only after we are humbled before God, LEANING on His understanding, fully TRUSTING Him with everything our heart longs for, putting aside all of our wants and desires, are we able to see how His ways bring healing and refreshment to the deepest parts of our soul. This is the nice part 🙂 This is the hope. But there is great beauty in the process, because of what it leads to.
The goal is not the World Race, the goal is intimacy with God. The goal is not an awesome adventure or even a sense of accomplishment in life, the goal is developing a heart that longs for others to experience the same healing to their flesh and refreshment to their bones that I get to experience. To know Christ and to worship Him fully among all people.
Father, may your Name be EXTOLLED!
I am not qualified for this. Yet here I am. Exactly where God wants me.
From David and Paul Watson’s
“A Movement of God Among the Bhojpuri of North India”
Failure:
“God, I can’t plant churches anymore. I didn’t sign on to love people, train people, send people and get them killed.”
Six men that I had worked with had been martyred over the last 18 months.
“I can’t live in the area you called me to reach.”
There were 80 million Bhojpuri living in an area known as the ‘graveyard of missions and missionaries.’
“There isn’t enough help. Take away my call. I will go back to the States. I’m good at business. I will give lots of money to missions. Let someone else plant churches. Let me go. Release me from my call.”
Every day for two months we had the same conversation. Every day I went to my office, sat in the dark and begged God to take away my call. And everyday He refused.
“Fine. You have to teach me how to plant churches. I cannot believe that you would call someone to a task without telling them how to do it. Show me in Your Word how you want me to reach these people. If you show me, I will do it.”
Over the next few years we struggled as we implemented the things God taught us. Our first church planted with this new methodology didn’t happen until two years after I met Victor. In fact, the mission organization I worked for threatened to fire me each year during my annual review. All of a sudden we saw eight churches planted in one year. The next year, there were 48 new churches planted. The year after that, 148 new churches; and then 327; and then 500. In the fifth yea, we saw more than 1000 new churches planted!
After the fifth year, my mission organization called me. “You must be mistaken,” they insisted. “No one can plant 1000 churches in one year. We didn’t believe 500, but we certainly don’t believe 1000!”
“Come and see,” I told them. And they did. A formal survey of the work among the Bhojpuri showed that our team actually under-reported the number of churches planted in the area! Things were exploding! And things are still exploding.
